


there will come a soldier

by joyrdings



Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Childhood Trauma, Eventual Smut, Fluffy when it want's to be, Infidelity, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-13
Updated: 2020-03-19
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:41:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 23,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23134114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/joyrdings/pseuds/joyrdings
Summary: Ben was no stranger to men, satisfying their needs then kicking them out the door as methodically as a priest gave out his sermons; though there was something about this one that was different. Both consumed by their ghosts of war, family and the unruly lives it had burdened them with, had Ben finally found his answer to happiness in the form of an unlikely stranger?
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell
Comments: 16
Kudos: 71





	1. Chapter One

Callum Highway was no stranger to danger.

He had been in the army, seen things that he wouldn’t wish on his worst enemy and felt emotions that kept up in the middle of the night when the streets were dark and gloomy and the only sound was the intoxicated coming home after a booze-filled evening in the local pubs and clubs. Somehow, he had managed to cut off that portion of his life to others. Callum almost never spoke about the sights of seeing people take their last breath in front of him, never described the areas where he went and fought, never told people about the terrifying nightmares that he suffered from. He could smell the air, feel the wind as he rushed through the demolished areas, hear the sounds of screaming and the collapsed buildings that once housed families.

Whitney was oblivious to the pain that ran through her boyfriend's body, but Callum didn’t blame her, he was so talented at putting on a visage that sometimes, he didn’t even recognise himself. He was skilled at being a top-class liar, able to come up with lies on the top of his head whenever his walls would disintegrate and emotion would come out.

It had all stemmed from his childhood, hiding things from his father to avoid the beating that he would get. Callum swore Stuart saw through the fibs but never said anything, maybe he judged Callum in private too, no-one was to know and Callum preferred it that way. As long as nobody knew the truth, Callum was relatively happy. Sometimes the guilt would creep up on him when he was laid in bed, a beautiful girlfriend by his side, but Callum always pushed the feelings away and reminded himself that being open and honest with the world would be ten times worse. People would never understand the pain and the trauma that Callum had dealt with, they’d only focus on the lies that he had been speaking for many, many years.

Callum had been living on the square for a couple of years, and he had fit in perfectly well. There was the odd bump in the road, such as his brother showing up and causing havoc to the people that he adored, but he had met Whitney, the woman of his dreams. She was kind and sweet, looked after Callum whenever he needed her and she was intelligent. He had a job in the pub that made him happy enough, a chance to interact with all of the residents that lived in the square. For the first time in a long time, he had proper genuine friends and didn't need to worry about them dying at any given moment because they had entered the wrong area at the wrong time. Walford was safe and secure for Callum and he saw himself growing old, surrounded by the same sights that he saw every single day.

He loved his home; he loved the streets he walked, he loved his girlfriend, he loved the Carter family. So why did nothing feel right?

+++

Ben Mitchell was simply a disaster.

Ben was dangerous when he wanted to be, a frightening and vindictive man that wouldn’t stop until he had achieved his ultimate goal. He thrived in criminal activities - breaking the law and bringing back money to provide for his family. His fists were always bruised and Kathy always complained about the blood stains she would have to get out of his pristine white shirts but she never attempted to stop him from going out and causing havoc, she knew that she couldn’t stop Ben from doing what he did. He was stubborn, just like his father.

Ben was influenced by his father. Every meeting he held with possible customers or every time he fought another man, Phil’s words would run through Ben’s head. He needed to toughen up, be a better man and provide for his family. Lola had told him all the time that he needed to forget about Phil but Ben couldn’t, he was so desperate to impress and have his father’s love that he would do absolutely anything and sometimes, he did. Phil never made any comment about how Ben had made himself known in the criminal world, barely even texted him, too invested in the cushty little life he had down in London with Sharon, Louise and Denny.

When Ben had returned back to Walford, he was glad to see that his father was somewhat happy to see him. The plan to take him down almost collapsed when Ben thought that they would get along fine and that maybe he was a worthy part of Phil’s life. It only took one argument though for Ben to come to his senses and realise that Phil would never really truly care.

The other side to Ben was his daughter, the only person he genuinely loved with all of his heart. Ben couldn’t describe the happiness that ran through his body whenever Lexi joined him on the sofa to watch some terrible film that she had picked out or when she told him that she loved him and that he was the best dad. It made Ben’s heart swell to know that he wouldn’t be like Phil and he swore down that he would make Lexi’s childhood the best that he could. After all, she was his whole world and everything that he did, he did for Lexi.

+++

Their first meeting had been a normal one. Ben had shaken hands with Callum over the bar, made a joke and then walked away. Callum wasn’t an idiot; he knew of Ben Mitchell. Callum felt stupid that he practically couldn’t look at Ben, afraid that Ben would take it in the wrong way and start an argument or a fist fight that Callum most definitely wouldn’t win.

Whitney nudged Callum slightly in the ribs as Ben walked away, a humoured grin on her face. “Ben isn’t as bad as everyone says he is. There’s no need to have a panic every time he speaks to you.”

Callum swallowed the lump in his throat as his eyes trailed back to Ben. There was no reason for him to be watching over, but he was fascinated that there was finally a face to the name. There had been many times when Linda and Mick had spoken about the Mitchell’s family, Ben’s name creeping up every now and again. Callum was aware of his crimes, but he didn’t care too much about them, almost everyone in Walford had committed something illegal and if he was to judge Ben, then he would have to judge pretty much every single person that he served a pint too.

“He doesn’t seem that bad,” Callum said to Whitney as he placed some glasses on the shelves below the bar, sighing to himself at the disorganised mess that Shirley had created on her earlier shift.

“Don’t go and be his best friends, I don’t want you going down that route,” Whitney joked with a loud laugh, more entertained by her joke than Callum was.“You wouldn’t do that though, too much of a good boy.”

Callum smiled as he stood up straight, his head to the side as his eyes flickered between Whitney and the mysterious Ben who had caught his eye in ways that he didn’t want. “Wouldn’t break your heart and become a criminal, Whit.”

“You wouldn’t break my heart anyway.”

Callum chuckled quietly before moving on to serve another customer, ignoring the quick glances that Callum received from Ben. He was reading way too much into it - Ben was probably just trying to work Callum out seen as he was a new face. The only other interaction that Callum and Ben shared that day was the tiniest of smiles as Ben left the pub with his family.

Callum couldn’t seem to get Ben off his mind which was annoying. Whitney spoke to him about all sorts throughout the shift, including the clothing business that she was thinking of setting up and the different gins that Mick was thinking of ordering in from the distillery. Callum nodded along and tried to reply but he was tired and fed up of pulling the same drinks for the same people, he craved a hot bath and his bed but that wouldn’t occur until Mick and Linda returned back from their shopping trip up West. Shirley wouldn’t cover for him for the simple fact that she didn’t want too, and Tina was busy doing whatever Tina did on a Friday evening. Callum was stuck pouring pints, with a fake smile on his face, his girlfriend nattering rubbish in his ear about stuff he wasn’t interested in and all Callum could think about was Ben Mitchell.

He decided that he needed a strong drink to get him through the rest of the shit.

+++

Stuart was a good brother in his own little way. He tried his hardest to do things right but he often ended up making things worse. Callum clearly loved his brother a lot and without Stuart, Callum was sure that he wouldn’t have made it through the car crash that was his childhood. When their mother had left, it was Stuart that had properly looked after him. Stuart made sure that Callum’s uniform was washed for school and packed his lunch so he didn’t go hungry. It wasn’t like they were brothers; more Stuart was the dad and Callum was his son.

Callum didn’t have any proper memories with his father. The boys that Callum played with at school always spoke so fondly of their dads and told Callum about how close they were and the football matches that they had on Sundays. Callum felt like an idiot and didn’t dare tell his friends that the only memories he had with his father involved sitting in a pub for most of the day and having to try and stop his father from getting into a brutal fight with another drunk. It became the norm though - Jonno would take Callum to the pub and claim it was their chance to bond, he would them down as many pints as humanly possible until he could no longer walk in a straight line, then there would be usually verbal fight that would mostly lead into physical fight and Callum would be left to clean up the mess that was once his dad’s face.

Callum used to lay awake at night, similar to how he did now and try to think of ways that he could be a better son. He hid the toys that Stuart brought him because he was terrified that Jonno would smash them up or throw them out, he didn’t dare read magazines that he had stolen from the local paper shop in front of his dad, sometimes he didn’t even speak when Jonno was in the same room as him. Every day in that wretched household was like stepping on eggshells, one wrong move and Jonno would explode. Callum knew it was wrong when his safe haven was the army.

“Bro, fancy coming round tonight and having a few beers?”

Callum was snapped out of his thoughts by his elder brother's voice. Callum looked to the side and then over to the bar, thankful to see that Mick and Linda weren’t there otherwise they would cause a fuss understandably.

“Not really in the mood if I’m being honest,” Callum said with a soft smile, hoping to lessen the blow. Like he said, he loved his brother but he couldn’t be bothered to listen to him constantly talking for hours on end. “Maybe another time, yeah?”

Stuart huffed and looked down at the ground. “You said that last time and the time before that and the time before -“

“Alright I get your point,” Callum interrupted, feeling guilty that he continued to let his brother down but he genuinely had his reasons. Callum hadn’t fully forgiven him for the trauma that he put Mick and Linda through and he wanted a peaceful night, tucked up on the settee with Chinese and Whitney. “Whit and I have plans, that’s all and I can’t exactly let my own girlfriend down.”

Stuart looked up and nodded his head vigorously. “No, no, you're right. Not going to cause tension between you and your girl, am I? Not when it’s taken you so long to get one.”Callum rolled his eyes at Stuart’s attempt of a joke.“I’m only having you on. I’ll see you soon though, yeah? We can have a proper catch up.”

Callum nodded his head in agreement and waved his brother goodbye, sighing quietly to himself when peacefulness finally returned to his personal space. The pint that he had been nursing for nearly an hour had gone lukewarm and frankly, it tasted disgusting as he took a gulp of it but he needed to get some Dutch courage inside of him before he went back upstairs to Whitney.

Callum closed his eyes and took a deep breath, thankful that no-one else was getting involved in his pity party but his gratefulness was cut short when a voice and body was suddenly sat next to him on the barstool beside him.

“Is there any service around here or am I supposed to pour my own pint?” The voice called out. Callum recognised it instantly despite them only meeting briefly.

On cue, Mick walked out and shook his head at Ben. “I’ll get you one if you shut up.”

Ben’s smile was sickly sweet as he nodded at Mick. His attention soon turned to Callum though who had watched the interaction with close eyes, trying to figure out if Mick had any uneasy feelings towards Ben. Callum always trusted Mick, always.

“So handsome, what’s got you drinking alone in the pub? Whit not about,” Ben paused as he handed Mick some money. He took a sip before returning his attention back to Callum. “You look pretty down in the dumps, not going to lie. Maybe you could do with a proper night out and not a cheap-tasting pint in your local pub.”

Callum blinked a few times; he didn’t know if he could be bothered to converse with the likes of Ben Mitchell on a Saturday. “You don’t even know me so why do you care?”

“I never said that I cared. I’m just simply taking interest in somebody who looks like they want to get run over by a bus.”

Callum suppressed a laugh as he responded to Ben’s comment. "I'm fine, honestly. I’m just tired, that’s all.”

“Ooo, I’m sorry for asking. I won’t be nice next time.”

“You’re not nice anyway…” Callum trailed off and mentally cursed himself for entertaining Ben with a response to his very first comment. It would have been a lot easier to just ignore him but Callum was more curious than he would allow himself to think. “Apparently.”

“Ah, been listening to the people on the streets then have you. People don’t know me; they just choose to listen to what they want to listen to. I’m not that bad of a person, not really. Here, I gave a homeless man a tenner the other day.”

“I don’t think that qualifies you for a pride of Britain Award,” Callum fired back, slightly amused with the conversation.

“It’s still a nice thing to do.”

The conversation went dry and the two of them enjoyed their pints in peace and quiet. Callum wanted to ask Ben questions but he figured that he had no right, the two of them didn’t know each other and they’d currently only had one brief conversation. Callum was also aware that Ben had a sinister side, and Callum didn’t want to get into that boundary, he quite enjoyed the small amount of banter that they had shared so far.

It was Ben that restarted the conversation, a simple question that left Callum with about a hundred more running through his mind.

“Do you work here full-time?” Ben asked, eyeing up the bar that hadn’t changed in the slightest since he was a young child.

“Yeah, it’s a nice little job,” Callum replied, taking note of the fact that he had finished his pint but had made no effort to remove himself from the conversation with Ben and go back upstairs to Whitney.“Why do you ask?”

Ben ignored Callum’s comment. “It can’t pay well surely. I mean, there’s so many of you working behind one bar that I bet hours are limited. Of course, you’ve then got to pay board to Mick and Linda, probably spoil Whitney with gifts, buy yourself food and essential items that every person needs - “

Ben wasn’t wrong. Money was a struggle every single month but he made it work, somehow. “Why are you asking me these questions?”

Ben shrugged and turned his body into Callum’s. “I just see potential in you, that’s all. If you ever need any extra money then you know - “

“Cal, are you coming upstairs or what?”

Ben rolled his eyes and turned away from Callum’s body at the sound of Whitney’s voice, his plan to recruit Callum going down the drain before it had even started. Callum was thankful for the arrival of Whitney; he didn’t like how his heart began to race when Ben’s side pressed against his.

“Yeah, coming now. See you, Ben,” Callum said quickly, not even giving the younger man a second glance as he rushed up the stairs and away from the bar area.

Ben smiled to himself; he always did like a challenge.


	2. Chapter Two

One of Ben’s favourite past times including sitting in the middle of the square and watching the endless amount of people who walked along the market, picking up some fruit and veg from Martin’s stall or entering The Queen Vic for an afternoon drink and an escape to hide from the brisk April air. He saw people that he knew when he was only a child, knew their deepest and darkest secrets that they kept hidden from any new arrivals to the square. They all judged Ben and they simply had no right.

Ben was aware that he wasn’t perfect. He had made many, many mistakes in his life - some that he regretted, some that he didn’t. Ben was a psychologist's wet dream, they’d have a field day studying his mind and the way that it worked, how past trauma had affected him mentally years later. Ben tried not to think about Stella or Heather, focused on the good things in his life such as Lexi and his mother but even Kathy was tainted in his mind, he adored her but he didn’t know if he could fully forgive her for leaving him for so long, especially when Ben needed her the most.

His love life was nothing to scream about either. The only man that he had ever loved had been snatched away from him in the cruelest of ways, a terrible disaster that should never have happened. What would Ben’s life be like if Paul was still here? Paul was the one person who could calm Ben down in his most irrational of moments, was able to stop his from making stupid choices that would have an almighty effect on his life. He loved Paul, still did love him and sleeping with endless amounts of men after having a few too many shots would never fill the whole in his heart. He craved intimacy but never found it in random strangers, all he ever wanted when he was laid with the men, he had slept with was Paul or at least someone who would hold him for other reasons than they wanted another shag. Ben just wanted love but his heart simply wouldn’t allow him to let somebody in, the fear of ruining another good man stopping him from making any commitments. There had been men that he liked and could see himself having some fun with but he never saw love with them, it was simply a case of Ben comparing them to Paul and then leaving them when he realised that nobody could ever be Paul. Ben was frightened that he was incapable of loving again.

His only light was his daughter. She brought him endless amounts of happiness but even then he felt guilt, ashamed that he hadn’t been there all of her life. Lexi knew no different; she just knew that she loved her Father. Ben feared that Lexi would grow up to resent him for not being there all of her life so he did everything he could to make sure that Lexi knew she was loved and cared for in present times. He would never let Lexi down again; he gave her everything that she wanted even if that was an endless amount of days off school much to the anger of Lola.

Ben justified the crimes that he committed by saying that he was doing them to give a better life for his family. There was no better feeling than providing Lexi with the best and newest toys and making sure that there was food constantly around the table and the rent was paid. It was stupid really, all of it materialistic but it made Ben feel like he was doing something right if he gave his daughter and family everything that he didn’t have when he was a child.

Too invested in his own thoughts, Ben barely noticed Jay who sat down next to him on the bench, silent as he waited for Ben to come back to reality. They had a plan to get back the Car Lot but Ben was too tired today to deal with it. He had spent the night in one of the bars in the city and had ended up in a stranger's bed - the taxi fare back to Walford had been enough for Ben to nearly faint. He often questioned why he continued to put himself through the feeling of being hungover - he loved being drunk and having fun but the next morning was always torture for Ben, especially when Lola woke him up at seven in the morning and told him that he had to take Lexi to school.

“Earth to Ben,” Jay shouted, giggling to himself when Ben jumped back and smacked Jay on the arm. “Lost in your own thoughts? Are you feeling good?”

Ben rolled his eyes and placed his head in his hands, the loudness of his brother's voice racketing through his brain. “Can you stop shouting please? My head feels as if it’s going to drop off at any minute.”

Jay chuckled, no sympathy at all. “Serves you right. Lola said that you didn’t come in until about five in the morning, stunk of booze as well.”

“Well I did go out and get drunk, I wasn’t going to come back smelling of flowers and strawberries. What are you here for anyway? Is there actually a purpose to this conversation or are you just trying to be as annoying as possible?”

“Just wondered what was happening with the Car Lot. I want to get it sorted as soon as possible so we can get things moving. Plus, I need to find someone who will help out in the funeral parlour because I won’t be able to be there as much if we are getting the new business up and running,” Jay explained, the thought of having someone new in the funeral parlour sending a shiver down his back. He loved his job and he didn’t want someone to come in and ruin it, Pam and Les would never forgive him. Jay already had a few candidates in mind anyway. “Hello, are you even bloody listening to me?”

Ben sighed loudly to prove his point and raised his eyebrows. “Yeah, I am listening but I’m not really that bothered - “Ben paused before turning to Jay, his attention now fully on him. “You need to hire someone at the parlour?”

“I did say that which you’d know if you were properly listening to - “

“Yes, yes, alright!” Ben exclaimed. “Who are you thinking about hiring? Are you going through the advertising and interviewing thing or are you just going to straight hire someone because I have someone in mind who I think could be good at it?”

Jay almost didn’t want to answer Ben’s question. Knowing Ben, it would be someone dodgy that would mess the whole thing up. Still, curiosity got the better of Jay. “Why? Who are you thinking of?”

Right on cue, Callum walked out of the pub with Whitney, the two of them smiling over something that Ben didn’t care to know. None of them took notice of Ben who was sat a distance from them, the two of them in their only little world. Ben noticed there was something reserved about Callum though, especially when Whitney leaned in to give him a kiss.

“Him.” Ben pointed towards Callum, not even trying to be subtle. “I spoke to him the other day and he seems like a nice bloke, don’t think the pub is offering enough hours so money is limited and I’m sure him and Whitney would be interested in renting the flat out above the parlour. It’s a win-win, isn’t it? You’ll hire someone you know that doesn’t look like they’d harm a fly, Pam and Les will be your best mates because they’ll have some extra money coming in every month and you won’t have to worry about him doing anything wrong.”

Jay didn’t even question Ben or wonder why he was suggested Callum Highway as a suitable candidate. Ben had his reasons but they were his reasons and there was no need to inform Jay of his plans and dodgy dealings, especially when the two of them were getting on so well.

“I suppose that is a good idea but it depends if Callum wants the job. He seems perfectly happy working behind the bar and living with the Carter’s.”

Ben scoffed and shook his head. “Have you seen his face every time he’s pulling a pint? He looks like he wants to smash his head against the bar and I’m not being horrible to Shirley but who the hell would want to live in the same building as her? Plus, there’s Linda and she hasn’t changed in the slightest since I was last here - “

“Alright, I get your point. I’ll have a word with him but I doubt he’ll take it. Anyway, another reason why I came over was because Sharon is organising a family meal and I was wondering if you were coming.”

“No.”

Jay nodded once, expecting the answer before even asking the question. “Alright, that’s fine. Are we going to sort Max out then?”

Ben sighed before nodding once, at least with the Car Lot sorted that’s another one of his worries gone. Ben looked around the square to see where Callum and Whitney had gone but they were nowhere in sight much to Ben’s dismay. Ben was hoping that Jay would let him be the one who tries to persuade Callum into getting the job at the funeral parlour but Ben knew that Jay would never let him, even if his charm was perfect. Callum probably wouldn’t listen to Ben anyway, no matter how convincing Ben was. The two of them barely knew each other and had only had very brief interactions over the bar or a quick smile as they passed each other in the street. Ben could talk to Whitney, use the flat as an excuse to get Whitney on his side but he didn’t fancy interacting with her, he didn’t want to interact with anyone or anything other than his bed.

“Come on then before I throw my guts up.”

+++

Callum and Whitney were sat in the café with a cup of coffee, the two of them discussing different fashion ideas that Whitney had created in her head. Callum smiled as Whitney spoke about different materials and how she dreamed of having her own business, money being the only thing that stopped her from going through with it. Callum wished that he could give Whitney everything that she ever wanted, all he wanted was for her to be happy and comfortable in her life and he hated that he couldn’t provide her with that. The two of them were stuck above a pub, hardly any money by the end of the month and they had to constantly listen to Shirley rant on about the different customers but they made it work. Sure, it wasn’t ideal but it’s what they had got used to.

“What are you thinking about?” Whitney asked, taking a sip of her coffee and looking intensely at Callum. She knew when something was wrong with him. “You look out of it.”

Callum shook his head and threw a sweet smile in Whitney’s direction. “I’m just tired that’s all, I struggled to sleep last night. It’s nothing to worry about though, think I’m just coming down with something.”

Whitney nodded slowly. She had heard Callum wriggling about in the middle of the night but she didn’t bother to question it or wake him up. If there was something wrong with Callum then he would have told her, the two of them didn’t keep secrets.

“Maybe stay away from Ollie for a while then. We don’t want him to come down with a sickness bug,” Whitney commented, trying to keep the conversation going before Callum went back to his mysterious world. “I’ve been thinking about getting a stall on the market and selling some of my clothes on there, that’s if it’s alright with you. With me not working behind the bar, it will give more hours to you and then I’ll have an income coming in as well. Before you know it, we could have our own little place to stay and we wouldn’t have to listen to Mick and Linda’s domestics for much longer.”

“That sounds amazing! Have you spoken to Robbie about any available spots?”

Whitney shook her head. “I don’t know if it’s something that’s actually going to happen but I’m going to ask about it, get the ball rolling.”

Callum smiled at Whit, proud that she was planning ideas for her future. Callum wished that he could be the same but he didn’t have any ideas in mind, he didn’t even want to think about where he would be in a year. For the moment, he was perfectly happy in his own little bubble. He wished things were a bit better between Whit and himself and that they had more money in their back pocket so they could move their relationship further on but he wasn’t going to complain, he was just grateful that he had a beautiful woman by his side.

“I need to go back to the pub and get ready for my shift but let me know what happens when you speak to Robbie,” Callum said as he stood up, placing a kiss on Whitney’s lips. She smiled in response and returned back to her coffee, not understanding how she had such an amazing boyfriend after having so many disastrous ones.

+++

The plan to get the Car Lot back had gone fine. Ben had snapped himself out of his hangover and returned back to his menacing self in order to get what he wanted. Surprisingly enough, Max hadn’t even put up a fight which made his job a lot easier. Ben wasn’t in the mood for a full-blown fight, he just wanted to get his job over and done with so he could concentrate on his side plan which involved Callum.

Ben didn’t know why he was so invested in Callum, the two of them barely knew each other. Ben was good at reading people though and he saw that there was something bothering Callum which deeply intrigued him. From what Ben had seen and heard from Kathy, Callum was a good boy who would never cause anyone any harm and Ben saw that as an opportunity. Callum wouldn’t be able to get involved in all the big stuff that Ben had been planning for months on end but Ben had jobs for him, little schemes to earn them both some money.

“Have you spoken to Callum yet?” Ben asked as he strolled over to Jay who was making himself comfortable as his new desk. The two of them had gone out for lunch and parted ways as Ben had to pick Lexi up but now, they were back together, Ben needed to find out if his plans were working.

“No, I haven’t seen him out and about. I’ll pop over to The Vic tomorrow through and do it then. Why are you so keen to get him hired now? We still have to get motors and new customers, sort all the licenses out and stuff because we are doing this LEGALLY,” Jay said with emphasis. Ben rolled his eyes at that; his brother really didn’t know him. “We have to take this slowly, Ben. I’m not rushing into it, alright?”

Ben tutted before nodding his head, there was no arguing with Jay. The two of them were as stubborn as each other. “I’m just happy that we will finally be making some real money, is that an issue?” Ben walked around the desk, his fingers running along the wood slowly until he reached Jay. “I could have a word with Callum if you want. I’m going over to The Vic anyway for a few drinks and trust me, I am much more of a charmer than you.”

Jay rolled his eyes and shook his head. “You are not getting involved in the funeral parlour business. I’ll sort it out with Callum and Whitney when I get a chance too. Right now, I am having dinner with Phil and Sharon. Are you sure you're not coming? It’s a perfect chance for us to tell Phil about the new business - “

“I don’t want to go. My plan for tonight is to go for a few drinks in the pub, go home and have some dinner and then go to bed.”

“No, you’ll go for a few drinks and get absolutely wasted before venturing out into the city and getting on some random and strange man.”

“I’m not denying anything,” Ben hummed softly, a sparkle in his eyes. “Have a nice evening.”

“Sure, I will,” Jay replied with a roll of the eyes. He was regretting saying yes to a dinner party with Sharon, Phil, Louise and Keanu. Denny was his only hope of making the situation a bit lighter. “Don’t go speaking to Callum,” Jay shouted as Ben slammed the door shut, the last smile he gave Jay saying that he was going to do everything that Jay said not to do.

+++

Callum always hated Wednesday evening shifts. There were hardly any customers in the pub, the majority of the customers choosing to spend the evening on the settee in the comfort of their own home. Callum couldn’t blame them. There was no entertainment on a Wednesday evening and Callum wasn’t exactly fantastic company, especially when he was in a bad mood. Whitney had texted a few times but Callum didn’t respond to any of them, if she questioned why then he would claim that his phone was on silent and he didn’t see them. Luckily, Whitney never questioned him on anything.

Talking to Ted was getting tedious, there was only so many times you could converse about the different flowers that bloom during spring before you wanted to smash one of the Vodka bottles over your head. Callum was taking his time putting the glasses back in the right spot, once again annoyed at Shirley for her lack of organisational skills. It passed the time, in a way, but Callum wished that there was someone younger in the pub that he could chat too, someone who would entertain him and not speak about the allotments at any given chance.

“The service in this pub is getting more and more shocking every single time I come in.”

Callum shot up from behind the bar at the sound of Ben, a small smile on his face. “Pint?” Callum asked, already moving to grab one of the pint glasses and head over to the Carling.

“No, I’m on the strong stuff tonight. Give us one double vodka and coke and then whatever you want.” Ben handed Callum some money before taking a look around the bar - there was no sign or Whitney or the Carter’s, maybe his plan would actually work this time around. “A cola? Why don’t you just get yourself something stronger.”

Callum shook his head and handed Ben his drink. “I don’t drink on the job. I’m a bit of a lightweight, surprised I don’t get drunk just smelling the stuff.” Callum huffed and shrugged his shoulders, anxious to be talking to Ben. He found himself checking over everything that he was saying, afraid that Ben would be judging him for sounding and acting like such an idiot. “Anyway, why are you on the strong stuff? It’s a Wednesday evening.”

“I’m giving you money, that’s all that matters…” Ben trailed off and took a big gulp of his drink, the vodka not even burning the back of his throat like it used to when he first started to drink. “Speaking of money, I have some questions for you.”

Callum furrowed his eyebrows and looked around the bar, making sure that nobody was close enough to listen in on the conversation that Ben and Callum were about to share.

“I don’t fancy going over my financial troubles with you, Ben.”

“We won’t be going over your financial issues. I just wanted to ask you if you’d be interested in having a new job, something a bit different to here but it pays fantastically well and you’ll have the best manager.” Ben raised one eyebrow and watched as Callum’s face had a puzzled expression, Ben already knew that he was thinking the worst. “It’s not illegal, I swear.”

“I don’t want to get involved in any of your shady business - “

“I just said that it wasn’t illegal,” Ben interrupted, almost insulted that Callum instantly thought the worst of him. “You know Jay, yeah? Well me and him have taken over the Car Lot and Jay is looking to hire someone at the funeral parlour to take over things. You’ll get training and the pay is good plus, you’ll also get to rent the flat out above which I’m sure Whitney will love. Imagine it, your own place and your own job.”

Ben didn’t want to beg Callum for the job, he wasn’t desperate. There were plenty of other people that would take the job offer but Ben needed Callum to take the job. He was a soft touch and it wouldn’t take long before Ben could have Callum wrapped around his little finger, doing everything that Ben said and everything that Ben wanted.

“I don’t know if I’m being honest. I am perfectly happy here and I like this job.”

Ben scoffed; he could see through Callum’s lies. “You look like you want to die every time one of the older ones starts a conversation. Too nice to say anything though, just let them rattle on in your ear before they forget what the conversation was actually about.”

“And talking about death and funerals all day is going to make me any happier?”

“Well, maybe not. You're a nice guy though and you’ll feel proud that you are helping people in their darkest times. Jay mentioned that you were in the army, I’m sure you’re used to seeing dead bodies.”

Callum immediately wanted to end the conversation and not get into details about his time in the army. He hardly spoke about it to Whitney; it was his own little world that only he thought about when he wanted too. There was no need for it to be anyone's business but his own.

“I don’t think my time in the army is any of your business,” Callum snapped, feeling guilty that he allowed emotions to get the better of him when he spoke. “I don’t want your job; I don’t want your flat and I don’t want to continue this conversation with you.”

Ben inhaled sarcastically and patted the bar. “Have I hit a nerve?” Ben watched Callum closely and took note of the way that his breathing had deepened and the redness that was tinting his cheeks. No-one ever mentioned the dead bodies that Callum saw when he fought abroad and Callum tried not to think about them. Just the sight of it sent him into overdrive, panic running through him. “Look, I’m sorry - “

“Leave it,” Callum snapped once more, turning his attention away from Ben and towards the other customers who were waiting for a drink.

Ben sat in silence for a while longer, slowly sipping on his drink so he didn’t have to speak to Callum until he had calmed down. For the first time in a long time, Ben genuinely did feel slightly guilty for unlocking a memory that Callum was clearly trying to forget. How was Ben to know though that it wasn’t something people spoke about? The two of them had only known each other for a couple of weeks. It was clear that the army was something that Callum didn’t want to speak about though and Ben wasn’t going to force the conversation out of him. It’s not as if Ben was willing to go around and speak about Heather and Stella to random people that he had never met.

“Callum,” Ben said, repeating the word again a little bit louder when Callum purposely ignored him. “Callum, Callum, Callum - “

“What do you want?” Callum hissed; his voice low to avoid unwanted attention. “I’m not bothered in your stupid job, I don’t care to talk about my finances and if you aren’t having another drink then I suggest you leave.”

Ben chuckled sardonically, humoured by Callum’s anger. “Didn’t think you had it in you, not going to lie. Makes you even more perfect for the job.”

Callum shook his head and raised his hand, silencing Ben before he could continue with his taunting. “Would you like another drink?” Ben stayed silent, only a smirk on his face as he tapped his finger against the bar.

The first thing that Callum had ever noticed about Ben Mitchell was how his eyes betrayed him. A few days after Callum and Ben had first interacted, Callum had been walking through the market and had seen Ben with his daughter, Lexi. He saw a happy and dotting father, one that adored his child more than anything else in the entire world. Callum was impressed with the fantastic front that Ben had created. To anyone who didn’t know him, like Callum, Ben simply looked like a normal father taking his daughter to school but on the inside he had cruel and vicious thoughts running through his mind, criminal activities that could possibly make some people fall to their knees and beg for mercy if Ben ever comforted them with it.

“I think I’ll have another drink,” Ben finally said, eyes not looking at Callum but at a stranger that had entered the pub. “Same as before. Make it two actually, I think I’ve found my entertainment for the night.”

+++

Callum did everything that he could to avoid any more interaction with Ben over the next week, even going as far as to avoid Jay so he couldn’t be asked about the job opportunity again. Callum had spent many nights debating it, weighing out the pros and the cons, Ben always on his mind. Only a fool would turn down the chance to have such a good paying job with no training in the sector. It was his own fears that were keeping Callum away from saying yes. He didn’t know if he could cope with seeing death every single day and having no-one to emotionally support him.

He hadn’t told Whitney about the job either, she would only encourage him to go for it and he couldn’t say no to her. It would mean a promising future for the two of them and their own place where they could finally have their own children, maybe even a pet dog if they were allowed. Callum despised how much he was thinking about it.

He would see Ben a lot more as well if he took the job.

Callum and Whitney had been invited to a birthday party at E20 the following Friday, a chance for them to get out of the pub for a while and interact with some of their friends. Callum was sure that it was the hot heat in the sweaty club that had caused him to make a stupid decision that night and speak without thinking. The tight shirt that he had decided to wear sticking to his body which he pulled at hastily, his frustration levels growing by the passing second as he listened to his fellow friends make jokes that he would usually laugh at but this time, Callum just stared ahead and waited for the celebration to be over and done with as quickly as possible.

Or maybe it was the amount of booze that he had consumed over the hours he had been stuck at the party - he needed something to get through it. Long chats about things that didn’t interest him were just boring. Fake laughing was becoming tedious and Callum couldn’t stand being at party’s like this. He tried to keep his focus on Whitney and their friends but he couldn’t help but let his eyes wander over to the bar where the man who had been clouding his brain for weeks was stood, a beer bottle in one hand which he downed quickly, not making eye contact with Callum.

Ben knew that Callum was there, he was the first person that Ben had spotted when he walked into the club with Lola and Jay, already dreading the night ahead and having to pretend to be friends with people he didn’t really like. It had taken a lot of persuasion for Ben to come but then when Jay mentioned that Callum was going to be there and he was going to ask about the job, Ben practically shot up the stairs to get ready and he hated to admit it but he took longer on his appearance than he usually did whenever he was forced out.

Lola and Jay had vanished as soon as they had entered the club though, wandering off to catch up with others. Ben didn’t want to socialise, he wanted to get drunk and return home where he would eat his kebab and watch some terrible reality TV show. He had even thought about leaving early and returning home but then he saw Callum look over and he decided that he didn’t want to leave, he was perfectly happy stood at the bar.

“Get me a drink, will you?” Whitney asked Callum with puppy-dog eyes, her lips forming into a pout.

Callum nodded sweetly; he needed another drink himself. The bar was practically empty but Callum still made his way over to Ben, the speakers getting louder and louder with every step that he took towards the younger man. The bass was horrid and Callum wished that they would turn it down but he didn’t want anyone to listen in on the conversation. He somewhat hoped that Whitney wasn’t looking over. He knew that she would question his reasons for standing next to Ben.

“Are you enjoying yourself?” Ben shouted over the music; his mouth close to Callum’s ear. Callum couldn’t respond, the words stuck in his throat. The lights were flashing red, shining perfectly over Ben’s face and showing off his features. Callum tried not to stare but he couldn’t help it. “Have you had any more thoughts about the job?”

Callum could barely hear him and had to read his lips to understand what he was saying. Callum didn’t even think about it before he spoke, the words already coming out. “Yeah, I have.”

“Want to discuss it in private?”

Callum couldn’t stop himself from nodding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hmm yeah idk 
> 
> i'm on a night shift so gonna try and write some more tonight as long as everyone sleeps ha nxt joke ! 
> 
> pls leave feedback, i promise u that there will be a storyline soon and things might make a bit more sense! thank u xx


	3. Chapter Three

Ben led Callum into the office located at the back of the club, the office area understandably more hushed than the outside club where sweaty bodies continued to dance along to the terrible EDM music blasted through the speakers. Callum was so invested in finding out more information about the job - and Ben - that he didn’t even take into consideration that anyone could have seen him enter the more private room with Ben Mitchell of all people. Whitney was so intoxicated that she probably wouldn’t question why it had taken Callum a long time to get one drink which he was grateful for but he was sure that somebody else would notice.

“Fancy a drink?” Ben asked as he headed over to a cupboard in the corner of the room. “Sharon keeps most of the best stuff in here, there’s no mixtures though so it’s going to be a good old strong drink.”

Callum looked around the room and took note of the paperwork that littered the desk, some dated as far back as 2017. He didn’t bother to question why paperwork was so casually laid out when any drunken fool could stumble in and come across the accounts, it was possibly just a simple misunderstanding. However, Callum became slightly more curious when Ben noticed him staring and swiftly moved to remove the paperwork from Callum’s eyesight and back into the archiving cupboard.

“Drink?” Ben asked once again, his voice a bit more unfriendly now. Callum nodded ploddingly - whatever was up with Ben was his business and Callum didn’t care to know. All he wanted to find out was when he would start his job, the uniform he would have to wear and the pay check he would receive per month. “I’ll have to top it up with water so Sharon doesn’t know that I’ve been stealing from her cupboard. She doesn’t even let me dad touch it.”

“Maybe we just shouldn’t have it then - “

“Lighten up, Callum. She’s hardly going to know, she’s too focused on Louise to worry about anything else. Here, just loosen up and have a nice drink while we discuss business.”

Ben moved to sit down at one end of the desk. He watched Callum with attentive eyes as the older boy clumsily maneuvered around the room until he was sat across from Ben. There was a cockiness radiating from Ben as he looked over his glass at Callum who couldn’t figure out where to place his eyes. Callum felt as if he was stepping into Mitchell territory and he didn’t like the feeling of the unknown.

“So, the job…” Callum started, his tone full of nerves as he looked down at the ground. He didn’t like the look in Ben’s eyes, almost as if the younger boy knew something that he didn’t.

“Oh, yeah. I don’t really know many of the details but I’ll speak to Jay about it tomorrow and get him to pop around some time to discuss it,” Ben said casually, already filling up his glass with more alcohol.

Callum’s eyes widened; he shouldn’t have been surprised really. From his short interactions with Ben, he already had come to the conclusion that he was unpredictable and loved to mess around with people for his own enjoyment and contentment. “Why have you brought me here then if you don’t want to discuss the job?” Callum asked, trying to ignore the displeasure that was building up inside him.

“I just wanted a friendly chat, Callum. There isn’t a problem with that, is there?” Ben sat forward in his chair as he smiled across at Callum. There was something bothering Ben, his faux facial expression enough to tell Callum this but he was a good liar and he knew how to keep his emotions away from strangers. “So, tell me about yourself.”

“There’s nothing for you to know. If we aren’t going to discuss the job then I’m going to go back to Whitney.”

Callum was trying his hardest to be friendly and sweet with Ben. Callum had the ability to become angry and lash out when he wanted to but it was rare, extremely rare, and he tried to keep that part of him tucked away. He was trying his hardest to be a better man and not make the same mistakes that he had made after he first left the army and all he ever really wanted to do was impress people and be kind. Ben was pushing at his buttons though and making him feel negative emotions that he hadn’t experienced in a long time.

Ben nodded slowly, already onto his third drink; Callum hadn’t got halfway through his first. “Ah, Whitney Dean. She’s alright, isn’t she? Are you happy with her?”

“Why would you even ask me that? Of course, I am. I love her.” Callum slammed the glass he was holding onto the desk and he was surprised it didn’t smash into tiny little pieces. Ben almost seemed shocked at the sudden outburst but it was simply confirming everything that he already thought. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to do that.”

“I love bourbon biscuits doesn’t mean I’d spend the rest of my life with them.”

“That makes no sense whatsoever.” Callum chucked at the comment, ignoring the negativity behind it. “You’re a wind-up merchant, aren’t you?”

“I’ve been told that I can be a bit annoying but I like to think it’s just my charm.”

“Narcissistic as well?”

For the first time since Callum had known Ben, he finally heard a humorous laugh come from the younger boy. It wasn’t laced with sarcasm or hate, just a pure youthful laugh. “God, this booze is going to your head, isn’t it? I’m simply just a nice and kind man, looking for a friend.”

“There’s more to it than that and I don’t want any involvement. If you don’t mind then I’m going to leave,” Callum replied with more seriousness. He wasn’t an idiot; he had known men like Ben in the past and they never wanted just one thing.

“I do mind actually but whatever I say isn’t going to stop you from leaving. Sure, you don’t want another drink?”

“No, I don’t.”

Callum shot up from his seat, the chair scraping loudly against the ground and crashing back into the second desk behind him. He mumbled a quick apology, a blush rising to his cheeks from embarrassment before making a quick escape from the office and back onto the dancefloor. He looked anxiously around for Whitney but he was unable to find her in the busy crowd, bodies merged into each other and Callum’s head was spinning, he was gagging for his bed.

He didn’t even know how long he had been in the office with Ben, it could have been ten minutes or it could have been an hour, time seemed to have flown by while he was in the small, enclosed room. All Callum could really concentrate on though was finding Whitney and leaving the club so he didn’t have to interact with anyone else and not bump into Ben again. His emotions were high-rate after the conversation with Ben and all he could seem to think about was making sense of some of the comments that he was making. It was clear that there was a hidden meaning behind the words that Ben spoke and it slightly frightened Callum, he had a bad feeling about everything that had gone in the past few weeks.

Deciding not to try and find Whitney as she was with Ruby and a few other friends anyway, Callum headed out of the club and allowed the breeze to run past his body. Callum instantly felt better as he walked down the street and back to the pub - he was finally able to breathe properly without being terrified that he would mess up somehow. He prayed that Mick and Linda would be in bed, it was nearly three in the morning and they had no reason to be awake. He didn’t want to deal with the questions that would head his way about the night and where Whitney was. He simply wanted to forget that the last hour had ever happened. He wanted to forget about Ben.

+++

Like Ben had said, Jay came calling the very next day with a list of information about the job in the funeral parlour. Callum had listened closely, took a few minutes to himself to debate if it was something that he really wanted to do considering his past in the army but he argued that it would help make him feel better as he knew that he would be doing something good for families that had lost their loved ones. In a rush of emotions, Callum also decided to rent the flat out above the parlour.

Whitney had been so ecstatic about the news that she completely forgot about Callum’s disappearing act the night before. All Whitney had ever wanted was a perfect boyfriend who she could love and trust and a place to call her own without there being another ten people living there. She couldn’t believe that her wishes were finally coming true and it hadn’t taken her long to pick out new furniture and carpets, the excitement of moving in taking over every conversation that they had. Callum did his best to be as happy as Whitney and he went along with the little fantasies that she had purely to make her happy but there was a feeling in the bottom of his stomach that he was struggling to ignore, the feeling of dread and like he was doing something wrong. Maybe it was a mistake but Callum overlooked it and focused on the positives - he would have more money in his pocket and it was a chance to further his career into something more respectable. Plus, he would never have to pull another pint again and that was enough to make him want to start the job almost instantly.

In the rush of planning the moving in and getting the new job, Callum hadn’t seen Ben but it didn’t mean that he was thinking about him. Almost every single second of the day, there was a nagging sound in his brain telling him that he needed to have a chat with Ben and discuss the conversation in the club and why Ben was willing to be so chatty to a man that he didn’t know hardly. It wouldn’t look odd if the two of them had a discussion in the public, they were polar opposites and it’s not as if Callum would get mixed up in the dodgy dealings of the Mitchell’s but Callum was the kind of man that ended up being dragged into every little bit of drama. He came to the conclusion that if he stayed away from Ben then he wouldn’t have to chat with him. Every conversation that the two of them had shared over to last month would simply remain a mystery and Callum wouldn’t eventually get over it and continue to move on with his life. Ben Mitchell would simply become someone that he occasionally saw in the street.

“Whitney still going on about what colour curtain to have in the bedrooms?” Mick asked as he watched Callum peel some potatoes in preparation for the Sunday dinner at the pub. Callum nodded his head, an unsure smile on his face that Mick didn’t pick up on. “I remember when me and Linda got our first flat, she decided that everything was going to be a bright neon pink because it was the craze back then. Every time I walked into the living room, I had to take some paracetamol to stop the headache that instantly came. I allowed her to have it though because I loved her.”

Callum smiled fondly, he always loved hearing stories about Mick and Linda when they were younger. They were everything that Callum ever wanted in a relationship. They were thick as thieves and always stuck by each other when things got extremely tough.

“I’d let Whitney do the house however she wanted as long as she was happy,” Callum said. “Although I think I’d draw the line at neon green, I don’t think I could cope with that colour.”

Mick laughed in agreement. “Ben Mitchell was in here asking about you earlier on, I hope you're not getting involved with him.”

Callum stilled his actions and tried to continue his breathing, so much for not thinking or talking about Ben. “I’ve barely even spoken to him, let alone formed plans to get involved in any of his business. I don’t know what he wants me for though, he probably has something up his sleeve but I don’t plan on finding out.” Callum looked around the room and tried to find something to change the subject, he didn’t want to discuss this with Mick, he could barely even think about it. “Is Shirley doing the carrots or do you want me to do them?”

Mick looked at him suspiciously, he could tell that there was something off. “No, she’s vanished somewhere for the day with Tina. They are probably somewhere in the city getting bladdered.”

“Okay, I’ll sort it. Here, give the chef some room to breathe, would you?” Callum joked, gently throwing the towel in Mick’s direction so he got the hint to leave Callum alone.

Mick understood thankfully and smiled softly at Callum. “I’m always here. No matter how much trouble you are in, I won’t even be angry or judge you.”

“I’m fine but thank you, Mick.”

“Promise there’s nothing going on with you and Ben Mitchell?”

“I promise. I want nothing to do with the man.”

+++

The room was pitch black as Callum leisurely opened his eyes, blinking a few times to wake himself up. He was terrified to move anywhere, afraid that he would wake Whitney up from her sweet slumber. The nightmares continued to come even though he was in a better place - loud noises and tainted images making his heart race and sweat run across his body. Callum feared that he would have to return back to the place he hated and continued to fight and he was terrified that he wouldn’t return home and if he did, then mentally he would be worse than he was at present.

God, he couldn’t stop thinking of Chris.

Looking down at his phone on the floor, Callum sighed as he saw the time. It was only one in the morning but the nightmare had shaken the tiredness out of him and he wouldn’t be able to settle even if he tried to sleep. It was going to be cold on the square but he needed a change of scenery and he wanted to get away from the bed he was terrified to sleep in every night. There was a jumper on the floor that he threw on, the smell of his aftershave still lingering to the material. He attempted to be as quiet as he could, not wanting to wake up Whitney or any of the Carter’s as he snuck out of the pub, almost feeling like a school boy for sneaking out in the middle of the night when everyone was asleep.

He didn’t have any plans to go far, just sit in the middle of the square with a bottle of beer from the fridges and hope that it settled his mind a little bit. Maybe it was the wrong idea to be on his own when he was in such a state but waking up Whitney and confessing everything to her would be much worse - she had her own problems and it wasn’t fair on Callum to give her any more.

Callum took note of how silent it was. Only a couple of lights were on and there was no noise, just the sound of the leaves brushing against each other. The market area was deserted and the place looked like a zombie town but Callum adored it a little - maybe he did enjoy being on his own.

“What are you doing out here on your own?”

Callum never intended to be purposely rude or cause offence to anyone but he couldn’t help but let out a long sigh as he heard Ben’s voice. It was like the two of them were connected in some way and they couldn’t seem to stay away from each other. Maybe Ben was stalking Callum. No, that was stupid. Ben was many things but he wouldn’t be a stalker. Or would he be? Callum came to the conclusion that he was too tired to think about what Ben Mitchell wanted with him.

“Ben, you nearly gave me a heart attack!”

“Sorry, didn’t think. You alright? You look deep in thought.” There was concern on Ben’s face as he sat down next to Callum, the cold bench sending a shiver through him. If it was anybody else perched on the bench then Ben would have ignored them but something was drawing him in and there was a nagging feeling inside of him telling him that he needed to find out what was wrong with Callum.

“I’m just thinking, nothing unusual.” Callum shrugged as he tried to pass off his unusual behaviour as something so casual. “Why are you out anyway?”

“I was about to go and meet some lad but decided against it when I saw you looking all sad.”

Callum huffed - why did Ben care? “I don’t need babysitting, you can go and meet your friend.” Callum ignored the part of him that wanted Ben to stay.

“No, it’s fine. I’d rather know that you were fine.”

Ben had come to the conclusion that Callum was an impossible man. Admittedly, he hardly knew Callum and he wouldn’t exactly call him a close friend but he saw that there was something or someone troubling him. The man barely expressed emotions, rarely had a smile on his face and he seemed like a different person every time Ben interacted with him. Maybe it was Ben that was the issue, he wouldn’t know. He just wished that he could understand Callum Highway a little bit better. There was no light behind Callum’s eyes. Had he always been like that?

“I am fine.”

“You don’t look or sound it,” Ben said, not caring that he could possibly cause offence. “Have you had an argument with Whitney or something?”

“No, she’s great, we are great, we will always be great,” Callum said rather quickly, enough for Ben to question why he suddenly became so defensive whenever Whitney and their relationship was mentioned. “I’ve just got a lot on my mind that’s all, what with moving and starting the new job.”

“People move houses and start new jobs all the time. Nobody comes and sits on a bench at one in the morning with a bottle of cheap beer.” Ben exaggerated a deep sigh when Callum ignored him. The two of them hadn’t even made eye contact for the whole conversation, they had simply looked ahead at the abandoned stalls and the gloomy street. “Okay… anyway, glad to see that you have taken on the job and the flat. It’s a good opportunity for you.”

Callum took a long swig of the beer in his hand; it didn’t have its desired effect. “Yeah, people keep saying.”

“So, what’s bothering you then?”

Suddenly, like something had taken over Callum, he turned his body to the side and started directly at Ben, his hand in the air as he spoke. “Ben, why don’t you just go and meet this fella that you’re meant to be meeting and leave me alone, in peace. I came out here for a reason.”

Ben’s face didn’t change. “What reason?”

“Stop asking questions.”

“Why?” Ben now turned his body to face Callum’s as well, the two of them directly staring at each other closely, both waiting for the next move to happen. “What has got you so upset, Mr. Highway? It must be something serious.”

“Ben.” Callum’s voice was quiet as he whispered the name, his eyes slowly closing shut as he tried to keep on to the last bit of patience he had. “Just go.”

“No, not until I know that you are okay.”

“Why do you care so much? We hardly know each other and I’m sure you have bigger things to be worrying about.”

“Can I not care about a friend?”

“Who said we were friends?” Callum almost sounded disgusted as he said the word friends. He couldn’t be friends with Mitchell, it would only lead to a troublesome life and Callum was fed up with getting himself into a heap of bother. He wanted normality; Whitney was normality.

Ben took note of Callum’s tone of voice but it didn’t affect him. He already knew that it would be hard to get Callum on his side but it didn’t mean that Ben was going to give up at the first hurdle. “Me. I mean, we are going to be working closely together soon.”

“We won’t be working together so you can get that idea out of your head. I’ll be working for Jay, not you.”

“That’s what you think, sweetheart.” Ben tilted his head to the side and smirked at Callum. It was astonishing how quickly Ben’s personality could change, almost impressive. “Anyway, for someone who quite clearly doesn’t want to be around me, you’ve made no effort to leave.”

“I was here first.”

“You sound like a primary school kid when you say stuff like that.”

“So?” Callum slammed the beer bottle down on the bench between them, the loud sound whistling through the air. He was aware that his voice was getting louder and louder as the conversation with Ben flowed and he wasn’t willing to risk someone waking up and looking out of their window to find Ben and Callum having some domestic in the middle of the night. “Look, I’m going.”

“Do I get a kiss goodnight?” Ben asked as he watched Callum stand up quickly, his eyes running over Callum’s body.

“You’ll get a punch around the face if you don’t leave me alone.”

“Oo, I do like them feisty. Have a nice sleep, yeah. I hope this guy that I’m about to meet is just as fiery as you.”

“I’m leaving now, good night.”

“Good night, Callum,” Ben mumbled, not leaving the bench until Callum was safely inside the pub.

+++

The previous night felt like a dream in Callum’s eyes. He had successfully managed to sneak back upstairs into his shared bedroom with Whitney undetected and he had managed to avoid any questions over breakfast. All anyone would have to do was take a quick look at Callum and notice that there was something off about him. His shoulders were slouched and his appearance a mess, his floppy hair dangling over his forehead and eyes tired. Everyone was focused on the upcoming move though to notice the sadness in Callum’s eyes, everyone but Ben.

“So, I was thinking that we could make the bedroom a nice pastel pink colour but I’m trying to find something that would go with it - “

“Whitney, I am fed up of talking about colour schemes. Can we please change the subject?” Callum asked, not trying to sound as mean as he did. They were meant to be out for a romantic lunch, not discussing the different materials of carpets you can get and what shape of sofa would fit in the living. “Look, I’m sorry,” Callum started when he saw Whitney look down at the table. He reached over and grabbed her hand softly, his thumb rubbing against her skin. “I didn’t sleep very well last night and I think it’s just all catching up on me.”

Whitney nodded; she was already aware of the disrupted sleeping pattern that Callum had. “No, it’s me. I should be asking you if you’re okay. Why didn’t you sleep very well?”

Callum shrugged and pretended to focus intensely on the menu in front of him - Ian’s menu really wasn’t as good as he raved about. “Just thinking about the new job and stuff.”

“You’ll have nothing to worry about honestly. Jay is a great guy and he will make you feel welcome. Plus, he wouldn’t have offered you the job if he didn’t think you were up to it. Just be careful of Ben yeah, I’m sure he’ll be hanging around that parlour and I don’t want you getting involved with him.”

“He’s not that bad,” Callum replied before he could stop himself. “I mean yeah, he’s annoying and stuff but me and him aren’t exactly friends so I don’t know what your worry is.”

“I’m just making sure, you don’t need to get all upset about it.”

Callum continued to stare down at the menu, his heart racing at just the small mention of Ben. He couldn’t understand why the younger boy was following him everywhere, he truly was a mystery. It was as if everybody in the square had something to say about Ben, all of them had suffered a run in with him at some point and maybe they were all trying to warn Callum that you didn’t get involved with the likes of the Mitchell’s.

“Do you understand this menu? It seems like rubbish,” Callum muttered, mostly to himself. “I mean, he calls himself a top-class chef and everything else but it’s basic and you could probably get more variety at Wetherspoons.”

“Alright, calm down,” Whitney chuckled, shaking her head at the passion her boyfriend felt towards cooking. “Here, think about all the homemade meals we can have in our new flat. I think I’m fed up with turkey dinosaurs and chips.”

“Hey, there’s nothing wrong with turkey dinosaurs.”

“Yeah but after you’ve had them almost every single day, it becomes a bit tedious. Anyways, Tiffany has invited us around for dinner on Wednesday. She found a new recipe online and she wants to cook it for everyone but I wouldn’t expect much. It will most likely be Lasagne with some posh seasoning in. The whole family is coming,” Whitney explained, cutting off every now and again to look up at Callum and wait for his reaction - she knew what was coming. “And before you start, you are family. Everyone loves you and it would be weird if you weren’t there. Plus, it gives you a chance to ask Martin about getting a new suit sorted out for the funeral parlour.”

Callum nodded. He loved Whitney’s family and he always found joy in speaking to Tiffany about different make-up brands and her latest crush but it didn’t stop him from feeling nervous around them. He had never experienced family meals and sitting down together after a day of work to discuss how things had gone - they didn’t even do that at the Carter’s because usually someone was missing or working the bar. For Callum, a sit-down meal would be Stuart scrapping some money together to get a small bag of chips from the local chippy and if they were lucky, a carton of mushy peas.

“Okay, I’ll be there.”

+++

Another night, another man.

A quick kiss on the cheek and then they were gone, running faster out of the door to leave than they had when they first arrived at the Beales house. Ben would get a mouthful in the morning from Ian about having constant visitors over but that was the least of his worries, he needed to somehow rid his neck of the love bites that stuck to his skin before his business meeting tomorrow.

There was nothing worse though than the emptiness that Ben felt when he returned back to bed after showing the stranger out of the door. The bed was still warm from their sexual activities and Ben’s skin still shone with sweat but there was still a hole in his heart that he simply couldn’t fill no matter how hard he tried. He would lay in bed for a little while after and look at the photo he had of himself and Paul in his wallet, apologise for the mistakes that he had made and how he wanted to be a better man but he simply couldn’t. There was something stirring inside of Ben and it wouldn’t stop, nothing could stop.

It had gotten to the point though where Ben didn’t even think of Paul anymore or how much of a failure he had become. He thought of Callum. It was daft really, Ben Mitchell swooning over a straight man who was in a seemingly happy relationship with a woman. Ben often told himself that he had gotten close to Callum for a reason which was to fulfil his crimes but after every encounter, especially the one in the middle of the night, Ben found himself thinking that he didn’t want to do that to someone as sweet and innocent as Callum acted. He had already destroyed one person; he couldn’t do it to another. Then he would remember. He didn’t know Callum, didn’t know about his childhood and how he got to be living in Walford, he knew nothing. Callum Highway was nothing to Ben at this stage, just someone he could toy with. At least that’s what Ben kept telling himself.

Ben’s destructive behaviour at this point was normal, no-one but Ian questioned the slamming of the door in the middle of the night and the smell of booze on Ben’s clothing the next day, no-one ever asked him if he was alright. If they did then Ben was afraid that he would crumble. He tried to be good, not that anyone would believe him, but there was only so much one person could take before they completely crumbled and allowed the bad and negative thoughts to swirl around in their brain and make choices that had a ripple effect. Ben needed to do this, he needed to prove himself to his father and others and if he destroyed himself in the process, then so be it.

Ben didn’t care unless he was having fun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so day one of self-isolation led to me writing this and thinking of some other fics i can write. seen as i am stuck in my house for another six days, updates will be more frequent for a little while until i'm forced back into work :( please leave feedback and any fics you'd like to see! thank you


	4. Chapter Four

What had meant to be a simple walk to the chippy had turned into a pity party for Callum in the middle of the park. 

“This is becoming a routine this, meeting outside in the dead of night. People might get the wrong idea if they see us,” Ben started as he planted himself down next to Callum, the smell of the older man’s scent flooding Ben’s nostrils and instantly bringing a calming feeling to his body. 

“I don’t know why I called you over,” Callum admitted, more confused than anything else. As soon as he had seen Ben across the street, he couldn’t stop his mouth from shouting out his name. He felt like such a fool the moment he did it. “You can go if you want, I didn’t mean to disturb you.” 

“No, it’s fine,” Ben mumbled, tucking his hands into his hoodie pockets to gather some heat. It was freezing outside for late May and even though he was craving his sofa and a warm blanket, he wasn’t going to pass on the chance to spend some more time with the mysterious Callum. “What’s bothering you, Cal?” 

Callum ignored the flutter in his heart when Ben said his nick-name, a name that was used so much it became normal but it was different with Ben, softer almost. “It’s nothing, really. I'm just a bit nervous about starting the job tomorrow and I wanted someone to talk to that wasn’t Whitney, Mick or Stuart.”

Ben didn’t believe him. He had only known Callum for less than two months but he had already learnt that he was a smart liar, well to everyone but Ben. Callum furrowed his eyebrows whenever he lied. “That’s what this is about. Starting a new job?” 

“Erm, i guess so.” Even Callum seemed unsure with his answer; he was definitely lying. 

“You guess so?” 

“Do you have to constantly question everything, Ben? It’s about the job. I’m nervous about the job.” Callum’s tone had changed from soft to stern in the matter of moments. If he was attempting to act normal then he was failing terribly. 

“Right… well, there’s nothing to be nervous about. Jay is a soft touch and wouldn’t hurt a fly so if you mess up, then you wouldn’t lose your job. I mean, maybe you would if you got the bodies mixed up but that’s it. Everyone who works there is nice and Pam and Les are lovely as well.” 

“Coker?” Callum asked to which Ben nodded slowly, mentally cursing himself for getting onto the subject of the Cokers. Maybe Callum already knew about Paul - everybody knew about the relationship that had ended tragically. “How do you know them?” 

“They lived here when I previously did and I just kind of knew them from when they were in the pub and stuff,” Ben lied, the fibs falling perfectly from his lips and with such ease. He had become skilled at downplaying his relationship with Paul, his weakness always came out when he spoke about his past lover. “Look, you’ll be fine. Just stop getting all worried about it because you are going to end up making yourself ill. Have you been eating?” 

“Yes, I have been eating. Bloody hell, you sound just like Linda.” 

“Please don’t make that comparison again,” Ben muttered with a disgusted face. 

“Linda’s not a bad person.” 

“I’m sure she’s fantastic, doesn’t mean I want to be compared to her.” Ben chuckled and looked around the park, the conversation running dry. “How’s Whitney?”

“Fine, why do you ask?” 

“I was just being inquisitive, I’m sorry,” Ben replied, taking note of the change, once again, in Callum’s tone at the mention of Whitney. He didn’t want to start an argument with Callum, not when they seemed to be getting on alright. “Listen I’ve got to get back. My mum is adamant that we are watching this TV show together and I can’t get out of it. If you need me though then give me a text or something. I’m not going to lie to you though; I am a pretty shit replier.” 

“It’s fine, I’m no better,” Callum said softly, his thumb rubbing over the ink on the business card that Ben had handed him. It seemed formal, too formal. “Do you have to go?” Callum hated how pitiful his voice sounded. He knew he was desperate for attention and someone to talk to when Ben Mitchell became his favourite person to have a conversation with. 

“Usually, you can’t wait to get rid of me. What’s made you change your tune?” Ben’s voice had a joking manner to it, along with his body language. He knocked his elbow into Callum’s ribs, a small interaction that had Callum grinning like a love-struck teenager who was around their first crush. 

“I don’t know if I am being honest. You wind me up, annoy me and make me want to punch you in the face but there’s something quite nice about talking to you.” 

“You’re an odd man, Callum.” Ben’s head tilted to the side as he observed Callum’s face - there was so much mystery behind the man. He suspected what was wrong, but Ben wasn’t going to confront him with it heads on and cause more problems than needed. When Callum was ready, if he was ever ready, to speak about the issues on his mind then Ben would be more than willing to listen to him and be there for him as best as he could be. “I really do need to go but send me that text, yeah?” Ben stood up and shivered, the wind hitting his body fully now that he had stood up. Ben started to walk away but changed his mind last minute, keen to have Callum by his side for a little while longer. “Here, I’ll walk you back to The Vic seen as I’m going that way.” 

“Are you sure?” Callum asked, standing up quickly and grabbing the now cold food off the table. 

“Yeah, unless you have a problem with it. Like I said, don’t want people to get the wrong idea about us.” 

Callum sighed and rubbed his free hand along his face, he couldn’t tell if Ben was joking or not.“I’m not that way inclined.” 

“Never said that,” Ben said with a smirk and a shrug. “Come on then, handsome. You need a good night's sleep before you start that job in the morning.” 

“I don’t want to talk about it, Ben.” 

“What do you want to talk about then? It’s a ten minute walk home and I’m not going to have silence, that’s boring.”Ben jokingly brushed his hand past Callum’s and giggled quietly to himself as the taller boy jumped back slightly, the touch surprising him.

“What do you want to talk about?” His voice full of nerves as he continued walking a couple steps ahead of Ben. Act normal was what he repeated in his head as he continued speaking. “You're the one who can’t shut up for more than five minutes.” 

“Let’s talk about the leaving do that Mick is throwing you on Friday. Am I invited?” 

“Yeah, suppose so. Bring Lola along as well, she seems like a nice girl.” 

“She’s the best. Is there a dress code?” 

“I don’t think so. I don’t even know why Mick is doing it, think it’s just an excuse for him to get drunk while on shift.” 

“Will you be drinking?” Ben asked, the hint of a grin on his face as he looked ahead at Callum. Why did he have to walk so quickly? Ben was getting a stitch from trying to keep up with him. 

Callum nodded, he planned on getting absolutely bladdered on nothing but pure Jägerbombs and   
some fancy cocktails that Linda had been creating in the kitchen upstairs. “Probably, I think I’ll need it after completing my first week at the parlour.” 

“I like it when you're drunk,” Ben admitted, doing a little jog so he was directly besides Callum. Ben moved his arm out and blocked Callum from walking any further, wordlessly telling him to slow down. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Callum questioned carefully, not wanting to push Ben over the edge or make him say something that Callum wouldn’t be able to get off his mind. 

“I don’t know. You just blush over every little thing that someone says to you, and you are even more clumsier than normal. It’s cute.” 

“Did you just call me cute?” Callum finally let out a loud laugh - the last time he had been called cute was by Whitney and that was when she caught him crying over an episode about the RSPCA rescuing dogs. 

“Yeah, I did,” Ben mumbled, thankful that it was dark and Callum couldn’t see the blush that was slowly painting his pale cheeks.“You’re cute, handsome.” 

“Cute or handsome?” 

“Both. Mr. Highway, are you flirting with me?”Ben’s cockiness returned, that infamous smile that Callum had gotten used to plastered on his face. 

Callum stumbled over his words before he could properly reply, he never intended for any of his comments to come across like that. “It’s called a joke, Ben. Please don’t get the wrong idea. I am happily with Whitney and - “ 

“Calm down, soldier.” Ben shoved Callum lightly as he tried to make light of the situation. If and that was a big if that was Callum’s attempt of flirting then the poor man needed some lessons. Ben would happily teach him. “Just because I’m gay, it doesn’t mean that I’m going to jump on you. Well, unless you asked politely.” 

“Hilarious.” 

“I know.” Ben sighed as his house and the pub came into view. He would probably never see this side of Callum again, a happy and carefree man who wasn’t worried about what other people thought. Ben rather enjoyed the two of them spending some time together, and it did not involve Callum doing a runner or accusing Ben of doing something dodgy and illegal. “Anyway, this is my stop, but I’ll come in and see you while you’re at work some time. I have some things that I need you to do for me.” 

“Okay,” Callum responded, not fully processing what Ben had said to him.

The two of them looked at each other awkwardly, not quite knowing what to do or fully end the conversation. In the end, Callum decided to give Ben a quick wave but he scurried off back to the pub where he would have to explain to Whitney why her chips were cold. 

+++

“Why were you with Ben Mitchell last night?” 

Callum didn’t have the effort to respond to Whitney’s question. It was his first day of the parlour, and he was too worked up on making a good impression that he didn’t want to entertain Whitney with an answer to her question. Everytime someone mentioned the two of them, it usually led to them saying something negative about Ben which wasn’t entirely true. 

“Whitney, what are you on about?” He asked as he lifted up the duvet cover, quickly throwing it back down when there was no sign of his tie there. “Look, have you seen my tie? I’m sure I put it on the desk last night but now it’s gone -. “ 

“It’s on the coffee table in the living room. Maybe your mind was elsewhere last night,” Whitney said, not willing to drop the conversation as easily as Callum was. She knew that there was nothing going off — Callum wasn’t like that and he loved her to pieces — it just didn’t make sense to Whitney. They were completely different people that didn’t share any interests. 

Callum sighed as he walked out of the bedroom and into the living room, smiling softly to himself when he spotted the black material on the coffee table. His short moment of happiness vanished however when he heard Whitney follow him, no doubt to try and get more information out of him about Ben. “What is that supposed to mean?” Callum asked as he fiddled with the tie, praying to the God above that Whitney would change the subject. He would rather talk about the weather than Ben, especially to Whitney. 

“You know what it means, Callum. Stop ignoring my question as well. Why were you with Ben Mitchell last night?” 

“I bumped into him on the way back from the chippy. Is it a crime?” 

Whitney scoffed, unwanted doubt settling in her stomach.“Probably will be if you keep getting involved in him. I swear, you two are becoming best friends.” 

“We hardly know each other. You are being dramatic. Can you please do my tie for me?”Callum groaned, holding the tie out in Whitney’s direction so she could do it for him. Callum knew how to do a tie but if he hoped a distraction would silence Whitney. 

“You looked like you knew each other pretty well. I mean, you were laughing and he was laughing which is a rare occurrence may I add.” 

“Whitney, he was just telling me about Lexi, nothing else,” Callum replied, moving back slightly to look at himself in the large mirror. He didn’t look too bad if he was being honest. “Right, do I look okay?” 

“You look fine, I don’t know why you are so nervous.” 

“I want to impress.” 

“And you will,” Whitney said softly, the previous conversation forgotten about as she looked up at her boyfriend proudly. “Just don’t wear yourself out too much because we are moving into the flat on Saturday and I need you on top-form. After listening to Mick going on about our leaving-do party, I don’t think he will be much help on Saturday morning.” 

“Just have to get Shirley to help us move.” 

“Next joke, Callum. Shirley doesn’t even move from the sofa on a Saturday, let alone help us move furniture down the road. Here, maybe you can get your new best friend to help us.” 

Callum rolled his eyes - he didn’t think that having a simple conversation with Ben would cause so much teasing, or aggravation, he couldn’t quite tell yet. Whitney gave him a sweet smile, finally realising that her comments were annoying Callum a little bit. It’s not as if she had anything to worry about. Callum was a good man, and no way would he get involved in anything illegal.   
.   
“Sorry, it’s just an odd friendship.” 

“There is no friendship!” Callum shouted, no anger behind his tone, more annoyance. He took a deep breath and took one last look at himself, the voice in his head hyping him up. “Right, I’m off. Wish me luck.” 

“Good luck,” Whitney called out before furrowing her eyebrows and running to the top of the stairs where Callum was.“Oi, do I not even get a kiss goodbye?” 

Callum paused halfway down the stairs before jogging back up, giving Whitney a quick smile and a kiss. She told him once again that she was proud of him and that he would be fine before she let him leave. Nerves in her own stomach as she prayed that Callum would fit in well and succeed. 

+++

The first morning had gone quick. Callum had spent most of it sitting in the corner of the room, shadowing Jay as he interacted with customers and reading over all the different services that the company advertised so he could get used to the prices and the different options. It was a lot to take in but it wasn’t half as bad as Callum had initially thought, the worst part would be when he had to deal with families who had recently lost loved ones. 

“Right, I’m going to go and get us some lunch from the cafe. Do you fancy anything?” Jay asked as he opened one of the cupboards to grab the petty cash tin.“Kathy does some amazing bacon cobs.” 

Callum shook his head, eyes not moving from the brochure on different flowers. “I’m fine for food, but a cup of tea wouldn’t go a miss, please.” 

Jay nodded, mentally taking note of how many sugars Callum liked in his tea. “Won’t be long then, mate. If any customers come in then just offer them a cup of tea and show them around and stuff. If Ben comes in then just throw him out. He’s becoming a nuisance.” 

Callum chuckled softly, he hoped that Ben would come in. He genuinely did need to speak to him and if he came into the parlour, at least it would be in private. “No worries, Jay.” 

Jay left soon after, promising that he wouldn’t be long. Callum continued to look through the different leaflets, rather impressed with how many different flowers there were and what colours you could have a coffin. The only time Callum had ever seen coffins was when they were draped in a Union Jack flag. 

“Oh here he is,” Ben sang, his voice loud and shocking Callum slightly.“Don’t you look good in a suit?” 

Callum blushed as he moved the leaflets to the side, not making the effort to kick him out like Jay had said. Callum still didn’t know if Jay had been joking or not with that comment. 

“Jay said that you’re becoming a nuisance and that I should kick you out if you make any attempt to come into this building.” 

Ben tutted and shook his head as he slowly walked around the room, familiar memories coming back to him. “I had a feeling that Jay would say something like that which is why I waited until he had left for his lunch break. Interesting fact, Jay has it at the same time every single day and he will always, always, get one of my mother’s bacon cobs.” 

Callum chuckled not really knowing how to continue the conversation on. The two of them simply looked at each other, a nice silence settling between the two of them before Callum remembered why he actually wanted to speak to Ben. 

“I’m glad you’ve come in actually; I need to speak to you about a motor.” 

“Interesting! What are you looking for?” Ben asked, always happy to make some money. He took a seat across from Callum and placed his feet on the desk - he wouldn’t have been able to do that if Jay was there but Callum was a soft touch and wouldn’t make an effort to try and remove Ben’s feet. Callum had already learnt that Ben was as stubborn as anything.

“Just a motor or something for Whitney. Mick has leant me the money to get it for her and I was hoping to give her the keys on Saturday when we are in the flat.” 

Ben mockingly pouted and held his hand to his heart.“Aw, aren’t you a romantic?” 

Callum shook his head - getting Whitney a motor was a friendly thing to do. “I’m just a nice person, Ben. So, do you have anything in stock?” 

Ben nodded - he would find something that suited Whitney. “Come around on Wednesday at some point and we can go over things. No refunds though, lovey.” 

“If the car works perfectly fine then there should be no reason for a refund,” Callum threw back, perfectly aware that the car lot wasn’t a fully legitimate business. “How does Wednesday at one sound?”

Ben nodded before standing up quickly, a grin on his face. “Any chance of us having another one of our secret meetings?” 

Callum tilted his head to the side. “Ben, let’s just speak in public from now on, I don’t want people to get the wrong idea. Whitney already thinks that I’m getting involved in your business, and I can’t be bothered with an argument.” 

Ben held his hands up in a mocking-surrender, weirdly understanding the point that Callum was making. “Right, well, I’ll be out of your hair. The job is going alright though, yeah? Jay best be treating you well.” 

“I’m treating him perfectly fine,” Jay shouted as he entered the parlour, a bacon cob and two cups of tea in his hands.“Also, I told you last night not to come around here bothering Callum.” 

Ben smirked as he walked over to Jay, lightly patting him on the shoulder. “You know that I never listen to a word that you say, mate. Anyway, I’ll see you later, and I will see you on Wednesday, Callum.” 

Callum nodded and looked down at the table, hoping to hide the smile that was forming onto his face. He secretly hoped that Jay would allow Ben to stay seeing as they were still on their lunch break but Jay was having none of it, claiming that Callum still needed to go over the different coffin handles that were available. Before Ben left though, he made one last sneakily look at Callum and grinned to himself - why had he allowed himself to become like this?


	5. Chapter Five

Wednesday came around much quicker than Callum would have liked. He had been hyping himself up for seeing Ben since their last conversation and he couldn’t figure out why he was acting like such a fool - he was going to buy a motor and that was it. There was no need for anxiety when all he was going to do was hand over some money and sign some papers so the car was in his name. It was a business deal, not for his own satisfaction.

Still, the walk over the car lot on his lunch break had him considering everything. He had grown to love having discussions with Ben, the chat between the two of them flowing with more ease every single time they spoke and that was what worried Callum to a certain extent, he didn’t want to become involved emotionally with someone like Ben. He was a nice enough person to chat with on the street or whatever but he wouldn’t make an ideal best friend and Callum was positive that he would get shamed for being so close to Ben.

Whitney had no longer been questioning him about Ben but he did notice the look that Mick would give him every time Ben walked into the boozer with Lola and Jay. Callum was thankful that he no longer worked in the pub so he didn’t have to speak to Ben in front of his family, it would only raise suspicions that some of the members already had. Ben and Callum were happy enough to sit on opposite ends of the bar and share the odd smile or a mumbled hello as they brushed past each other. That was normal - that’s how Callum acted when he saw Jack or Max.

“Come on then, lover boy,” Ben shouted from inside of the car lot. Callum had been standing outside for about a minute, deciding whether or not he was going to go ahead with the business transaction but he had already got this far and Ben would only question him at a later date. “Why was you stood outside like an absolute plum?” Ben questioned as Callum opened the front door, abrupt nerves hitting him.

Ben sat casually at his desk, fiddling about with a pen in his hand and a large pile of paperwork in front of him. Callum cringed at how disorganised it was.

“I was having a moment to look over the cars, is that against the law nowadays?”

“As long as you weren’t planning on robbing me or ripping me off,” Ben said, sitting himself up properly and motioning to the chair in front of him so Callum could sit down. “Did you see the little van outside? That’s yours if you want it. I promise that everything is legal, up-to-date and I haven’t been fucking around with the mileage box. All you need to do is hand the money over and sign this bit of paper.”

Callum looked down at the form that Ben had slid across the desk, the words blurred as he tried to focus on everything that Ben had said. “That’s it? Are you not going to show me around the car, tell me the make, the mileage, if it’s petrol or diesel??”

Ben sighed and poked the paperwork harshly. “If you actually read what’s in front of you then you’d know that all the information is in there. I was also going to show you around the car, I’m not going to sell it to you blind,” Ben informed him, shoving a pen in Callum’s direction as well.

“I thought you’d at least vocalise information about the car.”

“Now why would we talk about the car when we could talk about your leaving party which is in a matter of days. I might even go out and buy myself a new shirt, think there’s some people there that I’m going to want to impress.”

“Who from the square do you want to impress?” Callum asked with a chuckle, eyes quickly looking up at Ben who had found amusement in a rubber band ball that he had been working on for Lexi. It had taken him weeks to get it to this size.

“Ah, I don’t give out names, Cal.” Ben bounced the ball towards the wall, the loud bang of it making Callum sigh. He only had another forty-five minutes before he was due back at the parlour and with Ben being a massive distraction, he was sure that he wouldn’t arrive back in time. “Have you finished yet?”

“Bloody hell, I have only been reading it for a couple of minutes and I want to make sure that I’m not being scammed.”

“You think so highly of me, don’t you?” Ben smirked, not fazed by the dig that was Callum’s comment. “Everything is above board, I promise. Just sign that dotted line, right there.” Ben leaned over the desk, apparently not worried about getting into Callum’s personal space, and tapped the bottom of the paper. Callum looked up at him, faces close but not close enough for the two of them to do something they could regret. “Or you could read every little detail and bore the both of us to death.”

“I think I’ll bore both of us to death,” Callum muttered, bringing his hand up to Ben’s chest and pushing him back. “Says here that the mileage is 40,000 but I don’t believe it.”

Ben scoffed and waved his hand in the air. “Believe what you want, mate. You’re getting a good motor there and I’ve already knocked the price down a little bit so you should be a bit more grateful.”

“Why have you knocked the price down?” Callum asked, interest perked.

Ben shrugged and grabbed the rubber band ball off the floor, it was an easy distraction. “I’m just being a nice person, Callum. There’s nothing wrong with that. Is there?”

Callum shook his head. “Not a problem at all.”

Fifteen more minutes passed, Ben swore that he ended up falling asleep, before Callum finally signed the dotted line. He was eager to go outside and have a look around the motor, make sure that it was big enough for Whitney to fit her handmade clothes in and materials.

“Come on then, I’ll let you check it,” Ben grumbled, annoyed that his tranquil and quiet time with Callum had come to an end. He sauntered over to the other side of the desk and grabbed a key before using it to open a box on the wall. He looked over it a couple of times before pulling a set out and throwing it in Callum’s direction. “If this doesn’t make her want to marry you then I don’t know what will.”

Callum ignored Ben as he headed straight for the door, his eyes doing a quick scan of the surrounding area to make sure that no-one was observing Callum looking over the car. He wanted this to be a nice surprise for Whitney and something that she could use for her upcoming fashion business. Callum wanted her to get further than the market, she deserved everything in the world and even though he couldn’t give it her straight away, he could at least start her up.

“She’s nice, isn't she?” Callum said, his hand running over the bonnet. “Not stolen?”

“Callum Highway, will you please stop thinking the worst of me, please?” Ben sighed - although he could understand where Callum was coming from. He would never admit to Callum that a large portion of the cars in the lot were on the illegal side. “Cash or bank transfer?”

“Bank transfer,” Callum replied as he opened the car door. He didn’t know why he was getting so excited - it was Whitney’s car.

“Sure, you can’t do cash?”

“Bank transfer,” Callum said more sternly although there was a hint of a smile. “I’ll get the details off Jay when I go back to the parlour and the money will be in your back within the hour. Sounds good?”

Ben sighed before nodding, running a hand across his face. “It would sound a lot better if it was in my hands but bank transfer will do. Just remember that there’s no refund even if the car breaks down before it gets to the end of the road - “Ben paused as Callum turned to face him with wide eyes. “But don’t worry, she won’t. She has been sent for MOT testing and she came back sparkling.”

“A legit MOT, yeah? Not one of your friends that does it on the sly.”

“Completely legit. I’ll get you a receipt sorted out.”

+++

Callum should have known better than to trust Ben Mitchell of all people.

He hadn’t even got ten minutes out of Walford before the sound of sirens and blue flashing lights were surrounding the car. Callum swore that the coppers almost laughed when Callum stepped out of the car, his face full of terror as they explained that the van had been reported as stolen, involved in a drug robbery and that he had to go in for questioning.

As Callum was being questioned, there was a part of him that wanted to tell the police officers that it was Ben who sold him the car but he physically couldn’t. Without even thinking, he created a lie that would protect both Ben and himself.

“My friend, Ben Mitchell, brought the car off some guys and then sold it to me. He’s the one that’s been ripped off as well, you might be best off speaking to him.”

It fell so easily from his mouth as he spoke. Finally, years of lying to himself and others had finally come into good use. The police officers almost didn’t believe him for a moment, the name Mitchell so common in the police station they could have had a plaque placed on the door, but the police had no reason to believe that Callum had been lying. In their eyes, Callum was just an innocent bystander who had accidently been dragged into some mess that had nothing to do with him.

The police vanished for ten minutes - the slowest ten minutes of Callum’s life. He read all of the posters in the reception area twice over, observed the police officers as another person who had been arrested came in and watched the time on his clock slowly pass by. Finally, two coppers came out and gave Callum the all-clear to go, a happy enough smile on their faces which said that he wouldn’t be spoken to again in regards to the stolen vehicle. Callum couldn’t focus on anything else other than getting out of that building before they changed their minds.

It would have made more sense for Callum to go straight back to The Vic and calm down bef0re he made any irrational choices but he didn’t even think about it, not until he was directly outside of the Beales front door. Callum’s fist banged against the front door, almost breaking the glass as he continuously banged until he heard Ben shout that he was coming. Callum didn’t even take into consideration that Lola, Kathy, Lexi or Ian could have been at home as well.

Callum wanted to punch the smile that was on Ben’s face when he opened the door, a smile on his face that had Callum seething, I was expecting a visit from you.” Ben moved out of the way of the door and allowed Callum in, preparing himself for the screaming match they were about to have. Ben wasn’t fazed though, not even when Callum knocked into him before making his way into the living room.

“Who do you think you are? Like, seriously,” Callum started, already having to stop himself because of the anger he felt. Callum didn’t like being taken for a mug, especially by Ben Mitchell. “Do you know how much fucking trouble I could have gotten into if I didn’t think on my feet?”

Ben took a deep breath and smirked, not understanding how upset Callum was. It wasn’t just the fact he had been arrested but also that it was Ben who was the root of the problem.

“Oh, you know they are angry when swear words come out.” Ben leaned back against the table; his arm crossed as he stared down at Callum who was struggling to stand still. “Look, what do you want me to do? Say sorry until I’m red in the face? Beg and plead with you to forgive me for lying - “

“I want my money back for a start,” Callum shouted.

“Ah, no, we discussed this. Remember?” Ben looked at Callum as if he was the stupidest person to exist. “Brought as seen. You get no money back, I’m afraid.”

“You have to be taking the piss, surely. You sold me a stolen car! A stolen car which was involved in a drugs robbery!” Callum’s arms were flying everywhere as he continued to shout, his point not getting across like he had hoped. He was a fool to think that Ben would say sorry and give him a refund, he really should have known better than to trust a Mitchell family member.

“Would you believe me if I said that I didn’t know about that?” Ben smirks, his head tilted to the side with a fake innocent look taking over his devil like features. “Look, we can come to some sort of deal.”

Callum looked at Ben with his mouth open, why did he think he could get away with this so easy? “I don’t want to come to some sort of deal, Ben. I just want my money back.”

“Callum, are you thick or something? Why did you think that the car was so cheap?”

“You said you were being kind,” Callum exclaimed. His mother always said that Callum’s biggest downfall would be how naive he was.

“Oh, give over, did you believe that? There’s a motive for everything that I do.”

“And what’s your motive for this then?”

“Just wanted to see you again,” Ben lied. It was a pathetic attempt to charm Callum and realistically, Ben should have known that Callum wasn’t going to fall for it. This wasn’t a random customer, this was someone who had grown to know Ben, privately and publicly. Maybe deep down, Ben did feel slightly guilty.

“Why does everything have to be a joke with you, Ben?” Callum’s voice was quieter as he spoke, the disbelief noticeable. “You just don’t understand the seriousness of some of the things that you do? It’s like you're a child or something, a pathetic child.”

“Is that supposed to hurt my feelings, Callum?” Ben asked, now stood up properly. He wanted to walk over to Callum and give him a true piece of his mind but he didn’t, he stood at the other side of the room. “I sold you a car, I’m sorry that it was a little bit dodgy, I won’t be giving you your money back though.”

“I deserve my money back.”

“And?” Ben shouted; shoulders slouched as he shook his head in Callum’s direction. “We all deserve things but it doesn’t mean that we are going to get them. It’s called life, Callum.”

Callum took a few steps forward in Ben’s direction but reminded himself that he needed to stop, he wasn’t here for a friendly chat or to forgive Ben. He needed to stand his ground and not let people walk all over him like they had done previously. Coming to Walford was meant to be a new start for Callum but he found himself going back to his old self. "Unbelievable,” he muttered, returning back to his position besides the sofa. “You still haven’t answered my question.”

“I’m not giving you your money back.”

“Not that,” Callum said, cutting Ben off with a stern tone. “Why did you sell me a stolen car?”

“Why not? I needed money; you needed a car. It’s not my fault that you got stopped by the coppers, you should have been a bit more careful.”

Callum knew that Ben was lying to him, he had done enough lying in his own life to see through the lies that others told. Ben couldn’t lie that well either, at least not to Callum. His whole body language changed whenever he was confronted with the truth, like a wall had suddenly shot up in front of him..“I don’t even want to look at you.”

Ben didn’t want Callum to go, he wanted him to forgive him. Still, there was something puzzling him and he knew that the question would push Callum over the edge, possibly get Ben a punch around the face but it was nothing that he couldn’t handle. “Here, answer me a question.”

“What?” Callum didn’t have the time to be playing Ben’s stupid games but his feet wouldn’t give him permission to leave the Beales household, he was stuck there until he got what he truly wanted out of Ben.

“If you have that much of a problem with me and if you are so angry then why on Earth did you cover for me in the station? You could have told them the truth, that you brought it directly from me and that I knew it was robbed and what not. You didn’t, though. You lied to protect me. Why?”

“I don’t have to answer your questions,” Callum spat, emotions inside of him getting stronger and stronger. He didn’t know what to think, what to say or what he was feeling. Callum just knew that if he kept talking then he was going to end up saying something that he regretted, something that would change his life drastically if Ben used it to his advantage.

“I had to answer your questions.”

“This isn’t a game.”

“I never said it was.” Ben tested the waters and took a few steps towards Callum, slightly pleased when Callum made no attempt to move back so he was further away from Ben than before. “So, why did you protect me?”

Callum shook his head; he knew what Ben was hinting at. He wasn’t going to admit it though, wasn’t going to out himself as the person that he was. This with Ben was different, it was hatred and friendship mixed up in the oddest of ways - it wasn’t that. Tears formed in the corner of Callum’s eyes and he quickly wiped them away, repeatedly telling himself in his head that he wasn’t going to cry, and wasn't going to show any sign of weakness to Ben. The younger boy was cruel, and would use everything that Callums said against him to get what he wanted. He couldn’t be truthful.

“Callum,” Ben said slowly, taking another few steps forward. “Tell me why you covered for me.”

Ben’s voice was softer, too soft that it scared Callum. There was no teasing behind his voice, more a mixture of concern and curiosity. All Ben wanted to do was reach out and hold Callum, promise him that everything would be alright and he would be there for him but he didn’t want to push Callum any further than he already was. Maybe it was wrong of Ben to do this to Callum but Ben needed to know for his own sake, needed something to tell him that he wasn’t going crazy and being the only one to feel the emotions he was.

“Does it really need to be said?” Callum finally whispered; his voice so quiet that Ben barely heard him. There was a slight gasp from Ben, he had expected this, just not as soon. “Just forget that I said anything.”

“Say it, Cal,” Ben muttered, his voice just as low as Callum’s as he took one more step forward. Callum jumped back though, the thought of being so close to Ben making his brain almost foggy. He couldn’t do this.

“No.”

“Go on, admit to how you feel,” Ben said with a slight smile, his head tilted to the side as he stared down at Callum. He felt angry, upset and fascinated all at the same time. "Can't, can you? Scared?”

“Shut up.”

Ben chuckled and moved back, realising that if he made any more sudden movements towards Callum then he would most likely end up with a brutal punch to the face and frankly, he wanted to make it at least one week without having some sort of bruise or wound.

“What will your Whit think, hey?”

“Ben, I mean it.” Callum harshly pointed towards Ben, his tone and body language saying a completely different thing to his eyes. Callum needed to get out of the building and forget the conversation had ever happened, it was just a spur of the moment comment. Callum was swiftly trying to get it into his head that he had only said it because he was emotional - lies, lies, lies. “Please just be quiet.”

“I was afraid once but it gets easier - “

“Don’t,” Callum shouted, suddenly shooting towards Ben and grabbing him by the shirt. Ben wasn’t fazed by the sudden movement, there was no fear behind his eyes or concern. All Callum could see was humour and it sickened him, why was Ben acting like this?” “You don’t say anything about this conversation to anybody and I won’t tell anybody about the car, alright?”

Callum felt like he was making a deal with the devil. He was desperate though to make Ben shut his mouth and not go gossiping about the conversation they had, it would ruin everything. Whitney would be heartbroken if she knew the complete truth, Mick and Linda would be accepting but be disgusted at the fact he had dragged Whitney into his web of lies and also them and Stuart, Callum didn’t even want to think about Stuart's reaction.

“Don’t worry, your secret is safe with me.” Ben grabbed Callum’s wrist and dragged him off his body, he knew where he stood with the older man. “I’ll see you soon, Callum. Very soon.”

+++

The fear didn’t leave his stomach for the rest of the day.

Every time he saw Ben over the course of the next two days, Callum would look down at the ground and make a quick escape from wherever he was. Jay had noticed how Callum clammed up whenever Ben entered the parlour, the younger boy looking Callum up and down with judgement and admiration. Conversations suddenly came to a halt and Callum made a swift exit out of the door so he didn’t have to look at Ben for any longer than a few seconds. Jay had no idea about the private conversation, he believed that Callum was acting like that around Ben because of the stolen car ordeal and he had no reason to question anything else.

Callum had never felt panic like it though when he saw Ben and Whitney having a chat in the street. Callum watched from a distance for a few minutes and attempted to read Whitney’s face and look out for any signs of distress but there was nothing, a simple laughter as she chatted along to Ben about whatever topic they were on.

Ben would never out Callum, it wasn’t his place and even though he could be malicious when he wanted to be, he understood what it was like to be fearful of coming out due to the judgement of others. There was a pain that stuck with Ben for many years when he was still straight to the outside world and he questioned if he would ever come out. To the outside, he was perfectly happy as he continued on with his heterosexual relationship but it was killing him on the inside, guilt riddling him every time he kissed a woman because of the heartbreak he knew he would eventually cause. Yes, it had been painful when he finally came out to the people who loved him. There was judgement from every corner of the square, some laughed at him both to his face and behind his back but they eventually got over it and Ben was finally able to be himself. He knew that Callum would grow to not care about the whispers on the street, he was a strong enough man to not let others dictate how he lived his life but he knew there was another hidden reason for Callum being so defensive over his sexuality. There was no way Mick or Linda would think any differently of him because of him being gay, even Whitney would grow to understand. There was something else and maybe it wasn’t Ben’s place to find out why he was so adamant on acting like a straight man but he was determined to help Callum, even if the older boy hated him.

“Whit, are you okay?” Callum asked, finally approaching the two of them. Ben smirked as Callum placed a kiss on Whitney’s lips - not for affection but to prove a point. “I thought we were meeting for lunch.”

Whitney held her body close to Callum’s as she looked up at him, a sweet smile on her face that settled the nerves inside of Callum. “I was heading over to the pub now. Everyone is going out for a drink tonight and we have been invited, are you down to go?”

“Yeah, come out,” Ben said, eyes glistening with humour. “I’ll be there and so will Jay and Ruby. It’ll be a good night out.”

Callum opened and closed his mouth as he debated it. If he said no then it would look suspicious, Callum never turned down a night out. “Whit, it’s the leaving party tonight.”

“Well, everyone can come to the leaving party and then we can all go to E20 and get even more wasted. I don’t even think that Linda plans on having the party going on for too long because you know what Mick is like.”

“That does sound like a good plan, Whit.” Ben smiled at Callum and raised one eyebrow. “Come on lover boy, say yes.”

From behind Whit, Callum shook his head in Ben’s direction, the action hidden to Whitney. “Fine, yeah, whatever.”

Whitney clapped excitedly and turned around to give Callum a hug. “See, I told you he’d say yeah. Right, meet us at the pub at around sevenish, I’ll get Linda to have some cocktails ready for you all and then we can go to E20 at about eleven? Ask Sharon to save us some of that nice gin she keeps for special occasions, my treat.”

Ben nodded with fake enthusiasm. He couldn’t care less about the leaving party or drinking some of the expensive booze that his family's club had to offer, he just cared about getting to the bottom of Callum and finding out why so much mystery surrounded what seemed like a normal person.

+++

Callum always knew that he was a lightweight, right from being a silly teenager who downed a bottle of vodka with his friends in the middle of a field, some terrible chavvy music blasting through one of the speakers they had borrowed from an older sibling.

It had gotten to the point where he had learnt to limit the amount of booze that he consumed on a night out so he didn’t wake up the next day feeling extremely sorry for himself and questioning why he decided to try every drink of the menu. Tonight wasn’t one of those nights though. He had started early, having a couple of beers as he got ready and then it moved along to tasting some of Whitney’s fancy gin and Callum decided that he wanted to test all the different flavours out.

“You need to slow down,” Whitney chuckled as she poured Callum another Gin, most of it filled with lemonade to outweigh the single shot of Gin in there. “Still got E20 to tackle as well.”

Callum didn’t even want to think about that, he didn’t even want to attend his own leaving party but here he was. The alcohol was supposed to blur the lines and make Callum forget about Ben and the conversations they had shared since they had got to know each other but if anything, it made it worse. Callum found himself looking at the door for most of the night, a sad sigh coming from him when a random stranger walked in and not Ben. He craved to see that familiar leather jacket so he could settle his mind and talk things through with Ben so they were both on the same page.

It was half past seven when Ben finally rolled up to the pub, silent but with intent. Jay mumbled some excuse as to why they were late but Callum didn’t hear, he was too focused on watching Ben who walked around the room with such ease. Callum thought that Ben looked calm, too calm. Maybe he was planning something that would stop the party in its tracks or maybe he was staying out of Callum’s way for obvious reasons. Callum’s mind was a mess and he truly didn’t know what to believe or think. He just needed Ben alone.

“Toilet?” Callum asked Ben as he sat beside him, quickly checking to make sure that no-one was listening in.

Ben shook his head and took a large gulp of his drink. “No, I don’t need it.”

“Will you meet me in the toilet in five minutes, please?”

Ben rolled his eyes, already noticing the way that Callum’s words slurred. He reluctantly nodded his head; it was bound to happen eventually and Ben would rather get it out of the way so he could focus on drinking his body weight in different alcoholic drinks. God, he was so desperate to get drunk that he was even thinking about having some of Linda’s absolutely terrible cocktails that were made out of old stock.

Callum made his way into the toilet a few moments later, trying to act casual and cool but failing miserably when he walked straight into the wall. Having this conversation when he could barely see straight probably wasn’t the greatest idea he’d had - Callum was either going to get really angry or extremely emotional.

“Toilet hook-ups aren’t really my thing,” Ben said as he walked into the room, his eyes looking over the cubicles to see that no-one was in there. “Although, I think I’d make an exception for you.”

Callum shook his head vigorously, his drunken state not realising the humour behind Ben’s comment. “This isn’t a hook-up; this is us having a simple conversation.”

“Things are never simple with you, Callum,” Ben chuckled, his body leaning back against the door, mostly to stop anyone from entering and getting involved in the conversation. Ben didn’t know how he would try and cover it up, there was no really explaining why the two of them were standing in the middle of the toilets having an intense discussion. “So, come on, let’s get this over and done with. This is the part where you tell me that you are most definitely not gay and you have no feelings for me, you were only protecting me because that’s the kind of person that you are. You love Whitney, she’s the love of your life and you would never, ever break her heart. I’ve heard it all before and honestly, it’s the most boring conversation I have ever had to listen too.”

Ben’s voice was mocking, his head tilting from side to side. Callum’s mouth ran dry, the words he was going to say vocalised by Ben. Was he really that predictable?

“Why do you have to be so cruel?”

“There’s nothing cruel about it, Callum. I know where I stand with you now and that’s all that matters. I won’t be getting in the way of your precious and honest relationship with Whitney, I won’t even speak to you if I see you in the streets. Whatever we had before Wednesday is nothing. You are a stranger to me, someone I live near.”

It hurt Callum more than he would like to admit, he blamed it on the ridiculous amount of Gin he had swallowed over the course of a couple of hours. If he was sober then he would agree with Ben, put up a front and leave the toilets with nothing else said but he wasn’t sober. He was needy and desperate for Ben to understand where he was coming but Callum was stuck in daydream land, oblivious to the real world and how his words and actions would affect others.

“Don’t be like that, Ben. I didn’t want any of this, okay?”

“Isn’t this exactly what you want? For me to forget about what happened and to not mention it to anybody. I’m going to keep your secret so you have nothing to worry about. Let’s just get on with the night and then we can never speak to each other again. Does that sound okay?”

Callum was happy that he could hear some sort of pain behind Ben’s voice as well in the oddest of ways.

“No, it doesn’t. I want to be your friend, Ben. I just wanted to make sure that you weren’t going to tell Whitney anything - “

“I’ve already said that I’m going to keep your secret so please, don’t make me repeat myself anymore.” Ben cut Callum out with a deep sigh, he was struggling to communicate with Callum who was so clearly drunk. There was a redness to his cheeks and his forehead was glistening with sweat, he looked beautiful to Ben.“And, do you really think that we could be best mates? It’s pretty clear with the way that you look at me that you don’t even want to be near me.”

“That’s not true. I’m just confused about everything and I don’t want to upset anybody. I’m trying to be a good person but you're making me lose grip of that. I’ve known you what, two months? Already you’ve made me question everything and had me arrested.” Callum smiled slightly but quickly turned his face back into a scowl, he was trying to be angry at Ben for making him feel like this even if it wasn’t the younger boy's fault that Callum had so many unwanted feelings.

“I’ve made you question everything? I don’t know, Cal, I think you’ve been doing that to yourself. You need to decide what you want before this goes any further because I’m not getting involved in any of your drama, I have my own to sort out.”

“You had no problem getting me involved with yours,” Callum fired back, not willing to forget about the ordeal that happened on Wednesday. He had never been arrested in his life despite the major mistakes he had made and he wasn’t going to forgive that easily. Forget, he would. Only if there was something in it for him such as Ben’s silence.

“Oh, get a grip! I sold you a stolen car, it’s an everyday bloody occurrence for me. It all would have been completely fine if you hadn’t got pulled over by the coppers but even you can’t do that right,” Ben snapped before he could think about his words. He didn’t want to hurt Callum or make any nasty digs towards him but he was frustrated with the way that things were turning out. When he planned to get close to Callum for business purposes, he didn’t expect to end up feeling like this. Ben had no right to question Callum about his feelings when Ben didn’t even know how he truly felt. Still, it didn’t stop him. “I didn’t mean that.”

“I know what you meant and it’s fine. It’s clear that I’ve upset you - “

“You haven’t upset me.”

Ben was shocked at how calm Callum actually was. Despite snapping a few times out of frustration, his tone of voice was calm and his body language was relaxed. Callum hadn’t moved from his spot in front of the sinks, the only movement from Callum was him playing around with the strings on his hoodie.

“Why did you ask me to come and meet you in the toilets then?” Ben asked, wanting answers to the questions that he was asking and not pathetic answers that had no real meaning to them.

“Because I'm scared of you…” Callum admitted, eyes moving away from Ben’s so he couldn’t see the tears that were slowly building up. He was terrified if he was being honest and genuinely believed that his world was about to end if Ben decided to be cruel. “I’m scared that you are going to use what happened the other day against me and I don’t want to lose everything.”

“You don’t want to lose Whitney?”

“You don’t get it. I will literally lose everything in my life, not just Whitney.” Callum sighed and ran one hand across his face, he really shouldn’t have got drunk. He was struggling to vocalise his feelings properly, words slurred and all over the place. It didn’t help that Mick had decided to play Madonna at full blast and the music was blasting through the doors and ruining the mood. “You just don’t understand, Ben and that’s fine. I wouldn’t expect you too.”

“I wouldn’t understand?” Ben asked with a loud laugh, unsure if Callum truly understood what he was saying. "Do you think my dad was the happiest person in the world when he found out that I was shagging a bloke? He was disgusted, Callum. I thought I’d lost him for good and that absolutely broke me because all I have ever wanted was my father’s love. I got over it though, with time and love and patience. I learnt to love myself for who I was and I eventually didn’t give a shit about what other people had to say. I can't change who I am and neither can you. Either accept it and become happier within or yourself or live a lie for the rest of your life and go to sleep at night thinking about how things could have been if you had just been open and honest with yourself and other people around you.”

Callum didn’t know what to say. He was speechless once Ben had finished with his speech and for the first time since April, Callum finally saw the vulnerable side of Ben that he kept well hidden. Callum had never stopped to think about what Ben used to be like when he was previously in Walford, all he had ever heard was rumours and little things that people had said. It was becoming clear that Ben was two separate people.

“You don’t know my family,” Callum finally said, not happy with his comment. He felt that Ben deserved more from him, more honesty than anything.

“They can’t be as bad as mine - “

Ben was cut off by the door opening, his body flying forwards a little bit as Jack entered the small room and looked at Callum and Ben with confused eyes. Thankfully, he had also been on the cocktail bandwagon and his head was nearly mashed.

“Alright boys, what’s this private chat about?” Jack asked with a wide smile, hoping to get involved in the latest bit of gossip.

Ben rolled his eyes and pushed past Jack as he spoke. He was grateful that Jack had entered when he had, Ben had already gone too far with his comments and emotions and he wasn’t prepared to show anymore of himself to someone who didn’t care. “It’s private for a reason. I was going anyway, got some Tequila shots waiting for me.”

Callum looked between Ben and Jack - who was too focused on trying to figure out how the soap dispenser worked to notice the tension - before giving Ben pleading eyes, begging for them to continue the conversation somewhere else so they could finally get to the bottom of things. Callum couldn’t cope with spending any more time in a state of worry, constantly panicking and thinking that Ben was going to start running around the two telling everybody all of Callum’s business. Deep down, Callum knew that Ben wouldn’t do that but he needed confirmation.

“Ben, let’s talk about this later.”

“No, I don’t want to talk to you about anything else. Let’s just get through tonight for precious Whitney’s sake.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i rlly don't know if i like this fic or not! i'm kinda going with the flow of things at the moment and seeing what happens but i might need to move it on a bit quicker n not make it slow burn. idk, we will see what happens
> 
> if you want anything specific writing though then pls let me know in the comments ! i will write literally anything : smut, angst, fluff, au whatever ya want, send it in! i might even get a couple up over the nxt day if you do request something x 
> 
> okay thank u bye bye pls leave feedback xo


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